:O

I am absolutely BLOWN AWAY and ASTOUNDED... by the incalculable BIG-NESS, sovereignness, beauty, intimacy and ultimately infinateness of the CREATOR YAH this Shabbat night.

PLEASE please, if you find yourself having some extra time, do yourself a favor and watch these videos. I know they're both long





These pictures are from this site and are concerning a concept from the second video. Something I didn't really know about... ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE!!!

Literally, the video about fractals has blown my mind!!! After watching it, I could see them everywhere or at least where they could be...

Man...

And it feels SO right this state of worship. Its like, awe... fear... obsession... adoration...

man...

God is            S            O            much better and worth our time than we give Him credit for


... All this beauty from math! Now that's convicting to me..

{Preparation}

Wow...

There is so much I can say on this Shabbat.... I'm just floored. YHWH is SO good, even in the midst of our nothingness, our anguish, our joy- our everything!

For those who don't know, it looks like I'll be heading to Papua New Guinea to help out this wonderful missionary couple Marlin and Lynda Stucky towards the beginning of next year. I prayed quite a bit about this when I was let known their need for a media person once again (I had been hearing about them for years from some friends) and felt that through a few different confirmations that this is the direction that I was suppose to take. I've been met with interesting mixed reviews from people as well as in my own heart. I want SO DESPARATELY to dive into fundraising and preparing every little detail for this transition, being SO EXCITED about being in a new place again (and, to be honest, getting out of Quincy again [not to mention this time the United States!]).

But I feel this interesting restrain (I think) from God as well as actual restrain from circumstances about getting the right information and everything regarding this trip. I feel Him (and can concretely see) desperately asking and pleading me to wait on Him, His timing and His way, I was told even to consider that Elohim might have me prepare for months for this and end up having me do something else.

Even typing this out brings me some frustration and is revealing in me another layer of sin that, though I'll admit that I struggle with it, I haven't fully dealt with and that is control. I'm realizing that I am so forward thinking I can hardly take anything in right now, everything has to be planned out to the smallest detail. And also, I am so sure that I'm right (another problem :/) that I want people to do exactly what I want them to do and then everything will be right for them.

Now, Yah has been dealing with this in me for a while and the paragraph above is a description of the worst of this. I now see how our beautiful God is (sometimes rather forcefully) leading me out of this way of living and into constant dependence on Him not only for what to do and how to live life but also (just as importantly) how to guide others in this life.

For those of you who follow the feasts of the LORD, we are currently counting the Omer (I believe today will be the 40 or 41st day). I ran across a blog that I'm excited to fully explore that is about keeping the instructions of God in His word (Old and New Testaments) that has a FACINATING article about the Omer count that seemed to speak a LOT into my current situation... hopefully its true and not just wishful thinking ;)

http://messianicsabbath.com/2014/04/22/why-count-the-omer/

Shabbat shalom all!

... Free at last

Just listened to Dr. Kings speech for a lesson plan I'm writing.

Lately not much has changed. I still sometimes feel stuck and still feel more than ever Gods constant calling to repentance and calling for my life to change and become more like His Son. Yom Kippur is soon coming, the day in which we are to humble ourselves and seek the Lord in confession and for forgiveness.

Listening to Kings speech reminds me once again to care about the injustices I see and to look into myself to make sure I am standing up for truth. It also reminded me, along with a lot of other things recently, to persevere for the right thing. Racism still exists today, maybe not as prevalent but it still does. Does that mean we just give up and let it keep going? Absolutely not.

Just because I still struggle with the same bad habit's as I have for a long time should I just let them slide? Absolutely not.

I don't know if you celebrate Yom Kippur, but I recommend on Saturday at some point, take time to come clean before the Lord. Ask Him to search you and be willing to confess and stop doing what He's asking you to stop with the strength He gives you.

It will be worth the fight. Persevere.

When we allow freedom to ring-when we let it ring

from every city and every hamlet, from every state and

every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all

of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and

Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join

 

hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual,

"Free at last, Free at last, Great God a-mighty, We are free at last."

 

 

  “He who has an ear, let him hear...To him who overcomes I will give to eat from the tree of life, which is in the midst of the Paradise of God.”’ Revelation 2:7

Be of good courage...

... and He shall strengthen your heart: wait I say, on the LORD.

Psalm 27:14

 

 

Waiting... something so counter-cultural, something so.... difficult. I feel like for the past 6 months all that I've hear from God is... wait, wait dear one. My heart has gone probably a million different directions and has looked down a million different paths since coming home from Mission Year. Coming here, back to where I'm from and doing the same ole' same ole' has been extremely difficult for me. There have been a few times where I've tried to jump the gun on God and figure things out for myself while waiting to still have His blessing... it hasn't worked. While praying the other day, seeking and desiring for my needs to be met or my frustrations to subside about where I feel my life is going, I just layed it all down. I felt better. I didn't have my answer but, i felt better. I slowly began to realize that God, in this time of waiting, is answering a prayer of my from times of passionate longing for Him. He is using this time to form me into the person that He desires me to be, cleansing out all that doesn't please Him. He's also giving me a lot of time by myself which has been pretty lonely at times if I'll admit it. But I see now that He's doing it because He wants to spend time with me... to really allow me to get to know Him (He already knows me). So now, I notice when I have a lot of free time and I spend it paroozing Facebook or the like I feel worse. I feel unfulfilled. And, to be honest, I feel jealous. But when I spend my time in His word, singing about Him, creating art inspired by Him... I don't have those feelings and I'm actually excited about the future, even though I'm seeing more and more that I have no idea what it holds for me. But one thing I do know, if I continue to allow Him, my God and King, YHVH, that its going to be alright... not just alright but GREAT.

 

Here are some verses for you, to encourage you to wait. Don't step ahead of God, "He makes all things beautiful in His time." Ecclesiastes 3:11

 

 

Lamentations 3:25 ESV        

The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.              

Psalm 39:7 ESV          

“And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you.              

Psalm 37:7 ESV        

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!              

Micah 7:7 ESV        

But as for me, I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me.    

Isaiah 40:31 ESV         

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.              

Isaiah 30:18 ESV        

Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him.              

Isaiah 33:2 ESV        

O Lord, be gracious to us; we wait for you. Be our arm every morning, our salvation in the time of trouble.              

Isaiah 64:4 ESV        

From of old no one has heard or perceived by the ear, no eye has seen a God besides you, who acts for those who wait for him.              

Isaiah 49:23 ESV        

Then you will know that I am the Lord; those who wait for me shall not be put to shame.”         

Psalm 25:5 ESV         

Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long.              

Psalm 130:6 ESV        

My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning.              

Psalm 62:1 ESV         

For God alone my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation.            

Isaiah 26:8 ESV         

In the path of your judgments, O Lord, we wait for you; your name and remembrance are the desire of our soul.              

Psalm 130:5 ESV        

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope;       

Psalm 69:3 ESV        

I am weary with my crying out; my throat is parched. My eyes grow dim with waiting for my God    

Psalm 40:1 ESV         

I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry.

Proverbs 20:22 ESV          

Do not say, “I will repay evil”; wait for the Lord, and he will deliver you.              

Psalm 59:10 ESV    

My God in his steadfast love will meet me; God will let me look in triumph on my enemies.              

Galatians 5:5 ESV        

For through the Spirit, by faith, we ourselves eagerly wait for the hope of righteousness.              

Hosea 12:6 ESV    

“So you, by the help of your God, return, hold fast to love and justice, and wait continually for your God.”    

Lamentations 3:26 ESV         

It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.              

Isaiah 25:9 ESV        

It will be said on that day, “Behold, this is our God; we have waited for him, that he might save us. This is the Lord; we have waited for him; let us be glad and rejoice in his salvation.”              

Titus 2:13 ESV    

Waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ,

Jeremiah 14:22 ESV         

Are there any among the false gods of the nations that can bring rain? Or can the heavens give showers? Are you not he, O Lord our God? We set our hope on you, for you do all these things.    

Psalm 123:2 ESV         

Behold, as the eyes of servants look to the hand of their master, as the eyes of a maidservant to the hand of her mistress, so our eyes look to the Lord our God, till he has mercy upon us.              

Psalm 37:9 ESV        

For the evildoers shall be cut off, but those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land.                  

Genesis 49:18 ESV          

I wait for your salvation, O Lord.              

1 Corinthians 13:4 ESV         

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant    

Isaiah 42:4 ESV         

He will not grow faint or be discouraged till he has established justice in the earth; and the coastlands wait for his law.

       



Faith, Doubt, Death and Cancer

I just finished bawling my eyes out.

About three or so years ago when I was on the popular social media site Tumblr, I heard about a little girl who was diagnosed with cancer. She was the daughter of Californian pastor Britt Merrick. I prayed for Daisy and would receive updates on her occasionally. After I got rid of my Tumblr, I would occasionally check up on a website the Merrick's made for Daisy's progress. I remember telling my mom a few times when I would find out that her cancer was in remission or when it had returned. I checked the website again after a long while of not checking it to find out that her condition had worsened greatly. I prayed for little Daisy when I heard it. I checked in about a week after that post to find out that she had died. I just finished watching her memorial service, you can find it here.

Cancer and death are such ugly things...

A close friend of my sisters best friend about a month ago was found to have committed suicide, with little to no indication of any depression problems.

 

A lady who has been like family to my family for many years was recently diagnosed with colon cancer. She had surgery today and will, God willing come home in around five days.

 

I received a call this morning from one of my dear neighbors in Houston to let me know that her mother, a wonderful sweet lady whom I had laughed and enjoyed time with and prayed with, passed away yesterday.

 

As I watched Daisy's memorial service I found myself moved to tears, lots of tears. Even though I didn't personally know this little girl, the stories of her faith were extremely moving, as well as the brokenness and sting on the faces of her friends and family. All those tears weren't just for Daisy though...

They were for each of my dear friends who are suffering from the affects of cancer and death... Things that I do not think are in the will of God but that God has somehow worked into His plan.

Doubt was discussed some by Daisy's father. He admitted that she asked all the questions that we all would have asked if we were her at different points of her journey: Why is there cancer? Why do I have it? Will I die? Where is God in all of this? Despite the doubt, it sounds like Daisy chose to believe that God was greater than her circumstances and became from the sounds of it, one of the most grateful little girls that I have ever heard of. In the midst of horrible pain that no one should experience let alone a little girl, she, out of her own volition, would choose to send God joy filled prayers of thanks for her family and friends, and not "why me" prayers concerning her situation. As her mom was sharing she mentioned the all to real fact that the things we complain about in America cannot compare with the horrors and struggle most face on a daily basis in other countries, and yet we begin to doubt God if we don't get exactly what we want while people who are going without food are joyfully trusting the Lord......

I too, am guilty of this kind of sickly, puffed up (as Daisy's mom put it) entitlement.

For anyone reading this, let this be a reminder that EVERYTHING is a GIFT,

E V E R Y  D A Y is a GIFT given by the Father of Lights.

Please, say a prayer for yours and my suffering friends, and LORD PLEASE may we all think twice before complaining about anything.

The teacher let me use his computer :)

Subbing in advisory class is a great opportunity to blog :)

Realizing today I have had SO much in my mind recently... thoughts on God, what I believe about Him... what I've learned about Him the past few months (going to synagogue) the past year (during Mission Year) and my entire life (rediscovering entries in this blog)... I feel like I'm slowly being reminded that, as long as my desire is for more and more of the revelation of who God really is and how I can give my life to Him, live how Hes asked us to live, and seeking salvation from Him alone, that's a pretty great life. I struggle allot with wanting to know everything... and wanting to know the absolute truth about things, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but can quickly become a bad thing when knowing and proclaiming the truth is coming out of pride and control, things that I KNOW for a FACT are the OPPOSITE of Yeshuas character and God's desire for us to be... Everything with God and life is so dichomotic.. there are 2 extremes that are both the same or we have to somehow live in the the middle of them.... with so many things... law/grace... responsibility/Gods sovereignty... strength/weakness.... the list goes on.

King Solomon puts it so well...

Of making many books there is no end, and much study is a weariness of the flesh. The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God, and keep his commandments; for that is the whole duty of everyone. For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every secret thing, whether good or evil.
       Ecclesiastes 12:12-14

There are SO many other things that have been on my mind as well that I don't have time to divulge fully of as well...

...marriage...
...kids...
...mentoring...
...volunteering...
...school...
...Seattle (how much I stinkin' miss it)...
...Houston (how much I stinkin' miss it)...
...humility...
...gratitude...
...music...

That the tip of the iceberg.... maybe I should do a blog entry on eacha those...

P.S. About to re-launch my website: www.lyndsayroyer.com checkr' out :)

Malachi 3

Malachi 3 (English Standard Version)


"Behold, I send my messenger, and he will prepare the way before me. And the Lord whom you seek will suddenly come to his temple; and the messenger of the covenant in whom you delight, behold, he is coming, says the LORD of hosts. But who can endure the day of his coming, and who can stand when he appears? For he is like a refiner’s fire and like fullers’ soap. He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver, and he will purify the sons of Levi and refine them like gold and silver, and they will bring offerings in righteousness to the LORD. Then the offering of Judah and Jerusalem will be pleasing to the LORD as in the days of old and as in former years. "Then I will draw near to you for judgment. I will be a swift witness against the sorcerers, against the adulterers, against those who swear falsely, against those who oppress the hired worker in his wages, the widow and the fatherless, against those who thrust aside the sojourner, and do not fear me, says the LORD of hosts. "For I the LORD do not change; therefore you, O children of Jacob, are not consumed. From the days of your fathers you have turned aside from my statutes and have not kept them. Return to me, and I will return to you, says the LORD of hosts. But you say, 'How shall we return?' Will man rob God? Yet you are robbing me. But you say, 'How have we robbed you?' In your tithes and contributions.  You are cursed with a curse, for you are robbing me, the whole nation of you.  Bring the full tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. And thereby put me to the test, says the LORD of hosts, if I will not open the windows of heaven for you and pour down for you a blessing until there is no more need. I will rebuke the devourer for you, so that it will not destroy the fruits of your soil, and your vine in the field shall not fail to bear, says the LORD of hosts. Then all nations will call you blessed, for you will be a land of delight, says the LORD of hosts. "Your words have been hard against me, says the LORD. But you say, 'How have we spoken against you?' You have said, 'It is vain to serve God. What is the profit of our keeping his charge or of walking as in mourning before the LORD of hosts? And now we call the arrogant blessed. Evildoers not only prosper but they put God to the test and they escape.'" Then those who feared the LORD spoke with one another. The LORD paid attention and heard them, and a book of remembrance was written before him of those who feared the LORD and esteemed his name. "They shall be mine, says the LORD of hosts, in the day when I make up my treasured possession, and I will spare them as a man spares his son who serves him. Then once more you shall see the distinction between the righteous and the wicked, between one who serves God and one who does not serve him.

G R A C E

I can at times be harsh

And condemning


Yes, we need to keep each other accountable as brothers and sisters in Christ. "...let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save a soul from death and cover a multitude of sins." James 5:20

However, "But He gives more grace. Therefore He says: 'God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble.' Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you." James 4:6-7

And especially, "Mercy triumphs over judgment." James 2:13

(*you can guess what book I read this morning*)

A very small glimpse of the HUGE MASSIVE grace of God was shown to me this morning. Yesterday when I woke up, when I would lay flat on my back my eyes acted like I had just gotten off of a roller coaster or a merry-go-round. Then I would turn to my side and be fine. I was doing exercises I normally don't do the night before, and I broke my tailbone a couple months ago so I thought I should probably call a chiropractor. The one in town is a man who goes to my church whose wife I sing with on worship team occasionally. So I called and made an appointment for this morning. Well, later in the day yesterday I noticed that the nausea was gone (PRAISE GOD!) so I called him back to cancel my appointment but I just got the answering machine so I left a message. I felt like this morning I should probably call again just in case he didn't get the message. I was feeling kind of guilty because I made a kinda early appointment so I was hoping that he didn't got into work early just for me. When I called he said he hadn't checked the messages yet, so I told him I had to cancel and I was very sorry. Instead of the sound of annoyance coming from his reply, there was total grace.  "That's totally fine!" he said in a cheery sort of way.

However little and insignificant that story might seem, I think God wants us to look for signs of His grace everywhere and too not only recognize His grace, but to receive it HUMBLY. So in the future when I want to act all high-and-mighty with someone, I will remember that there is only ONE Perfect One and He has given me MUCH grace so I must give MUCH grace.

We serve such a good God who is so patient with us!




Also just letting you know from the last entry, the big decision has been decided:

I'm going to Mission Year next year :)

SO GOOD!

http://realtruthmatters.com/blog/index.php?title=grace-s-embrace-of-the-law&more=1&c=1&tb=1&pb=1

Something I'm learning

Music yes?

If God wills, 25 hours from now I'll be in Seattle hanging out with some AMAZING people for the night, then in the morning off to Wisconson to ride in a big RV with 6 other AMAZING people on a two and a half week road trip from WI, to CO and back to WA.

God You are incredible. May only You be glorified in all the goings on of this trip.

Just wanted to give a little update on my musical taste. Happened along a new band (not really new but new to me). And they might just become one of my favoirtes. They're called The Welcome Wagon. Folksy, Sufjan-style hymns.... mmm...mmm...good!

"as we forgive"

If I'm learning anything right now, I'm learning grace and forgiveness. The past few weeks have been some of the hardest of my life. But God has shown me just how much I have been trying to control the whole sitation and other people involved. He has convicted me of many other things as well. But I think most importantly, He has reminded me of the cross and the power of it. And how it is true that everything in life comes back to what God did that day. It really IS finished... and life is reminding ourselves everyday to GIVE UP and GIVE IN to His forgiveness... before it's too late.

A recent trip to my church in Seattle (Bethany Community) introduced me to this film called as we forgive, a film about the recent genocide victims and perpatraitors in Rwanda being reconcilled through forgiveness. It blew me away. I think God is showing me that though it is AMAZING to see and hear about people being healed of various illnesses and that does show the power of God... that maybe fogiveness shows it even more. Its really not a humans gut reation to forgive someone. First reaction is revenge or justice. And justice is a good thing, a thing we should all seek. Yet, "all we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned—every one—to his own way..." though a person might have wronged us, maybe in ways unthinkable like murdering our families, we know that we have also wronged others. And in the end and ultimately have wronged God, in ways we ALL cannot repay. Because of this, "the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all." Isaiah 53:6. We all have been wronged. We all have wronged others. The Creator of the heavens and the earth, of you and me laid ALL of that on His shoulders. Below is a quote from Savari, a man who killed 7 people in the genocide followed by a quote from Rosaria, a survivor of the genocide whos sister and family were killed by Savari.

Personally, I never believed that I deserved mercy. I'd put myself in a place where I thought God's mercy could not reach. I condemned myself because I felt that death itself was not enough payment for all the wrong I'd done. - Savari

How can I refuse to forgive when I'm a forgiven sinner too? According to God's Word, I am called to forgive him for I did not create this man. Even my family that he killed- I did not create them either. His crime was against God who created the people he killed. So I placed everything in the hands of God.- Rosaria

Beautiful Things Said about Beautiful Things

This specific blog entry will be a list that I will keep adding to. It will be for inspiring comments made about things that (I believe) are inspired of God. I only have 2 right now... but hopefull it will turn into a long list :) if you have any suggestions please leave me a note :)

________________________________________________________________

A comment made on a Sufjan Stevens "Transfiguration" video:

I'm not religious and I never have been, but this is what I imagine religion to sound like. A warmth that would envelope you whole and be so beautiful it could move you to tears.

Comments made on John Mark McMillans blog:

Every time I hear your song I feel such tenderness from God as He whispers love into my wounds.

Thanks for breathing life into music.

Something Funny (because we need that sometimes)

Switchfoots latest podcast... their goofiness made my morning bright and cheerfull :)


"Sunday's Coming" Movie Trailer from North Point Media on Vimeo.


This was linked to a friends Twitter... I thought it was a little to accurate to some churches I've been to

God... is everything you guys... He wants so badly for us to just seek after Him.... sometimes He has to slow us down for us to see that......

And also see that He enjoys a good sense of humor :D


** On a side note, be praying for the Midwest with the tornadoes and the flooding in Nashville and the chaos around the world... pray for the adding of souls into the kingdom

Death in His Grave

I havent written here in a while

I think its because I've been really convicted about the amount of empty words I spew fourth every day,

But I tell you that every careless word that people speak, they shall give an accounting for it in the day of judgment. (Matthew 12:36)

Thus, I'm trying (but need to be trying harder) to, "be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger"(James 1:19)

But I feel like He's showing me more and more and more everyday. Its pretty incredible actually. He's mainly showng me how much I need Him. Like... how much I need Him. I'm seeing as well how much He wants us to live in the present, I have a few little short term plans... I'm subbing right now but when summer comes I will most likely be looking for a more permanent job... but I just really have no clue what I'll actually be doing... and I'm kind of having a hard time with that. But I really think He wants us to be that dependant...

Ah growing :)

Anyway, to the title of this here blog, I've found another favorite artist, the writer of the famous How He Loves John Mark McMillan. I've discovered this amazing site called Grooveshark which is like Pandora but way better because you can choose the songs specifically and arrange them in anyway you want to! Pretty amazing hu? Anyway, so I've been listening to his latest "The Medicine" on this lovely website because it hasnt been released yet.... but I can listen to it on there?.... Hmm...

Anyway, here are the lyrics to what is my favorite song right now for sures:

Though the Earth Cried out for blood


Satisfied her hunger was

Her billows calmed on raging seas

for the souls on men she craved



Sun and moon from balcony

Turned their head in disbelief

Their precious Love would taste the sting

disfigured and disdained



On Friday a thief

On Sunday a King

Laid down in grief

But awoke with keys

Of Hell on that day

The first born of the slain

The Man Jesus Christ

Laid death in his grave



So three days in darkness slept

The Morning Sun of righteousness

But rose to shame the throes of death

And over turn his rule



Now daughters and the sons of men

Would pay not their dues again

The debt of blood they owed was rent

When the day rolled a new



On Friday a thief

On Sunday a King

Laid down in grief

But awoke holding keys

To Hell on that day

The first born of the slain

The Man Jesus Christ

Laid death in his grave



On Friday a thief

On Sunday a King

Laid down in grief

But awoke with keys

Of Hell on that day

The first born of the slain

The Man Jesus Christ

Laid death in his grave



He has cheated

Hell and seated

Us above the fall

In desperate places

He paid our wages

One time once and for all

Israel: Part 1

I need words
As wide as sky
I need language large as
This longing inside
And I need a voice
Bigger than mine
And I need a song to sing You
That I've yet to find
I need You,
Oh, I need You
To be here now                    I Need Words: by David Crowder

...................................................................

I am not the same

Something in me has changed

But I can't explain it to you... I can't even explain it to myself

People everywhere would tell us, if you thought that you decided to come here you're wrong. There is no free choice in that. God has invited you here to His country.

I've been trying to think of many different ways to go about writing this down... because of the amount of information and its 7:00 right now and I am spiritually and physically exhausted I am going to use a journal entry of mine from the next to last day of the trip as kind of a template. About that time I had realized that I hadnt really journaled enough on the trip so I spent a good part of that night writing down absolutely everything I remembered... which turned out to be 20 pages! So I know for a fact this is going to be in two sections... (I've came back up here from writing and I've been writing for and hour and have only gotton through 3 pages) So next page should hopefully happen sometime tomorow. I hope I can be thourough enough... as you might have guessed I believe God in the working out of this trip has begun a paradime shift in not only my life but the world. Here it goes:

God has begun to speak to me. Despite my sinful, jealous tendancies even durring this trip. I'll try now the best I can to remember all that I've seen & what has happened... the first couple sites which had an impact on me were the old Cannanite village, the mountain where the crowds tried to sone Jesus because of what he said was prophecy about himself in Isaiah and Mount Arbel. The Cannanite village (along with a speach Anthony gave) reminded me just how far people can become separated from God with just small compromises.. and how God gives us over to the sickness that are these vile sins (in their case human sacrifice and idol worship). This lesson came about numerous times over the course of the trip.

The mountian where Jesus was almost stoned really began to bring the landscape of scripture alive for me. I was beginning to be able to picture the events being described to me from the Word... making scripture that much more alive. It also began to really reveal to me even more what I had already felt, God knew this place... God has an intimate affection for it that is easily perceived and felt... He claimed it for Himself. His dwelling is here.

Mount Arbel is where Jesus supposedly came to pray alone before he saw the disciples in a storm and came to walk on the water. This place taught me worship. I was in awe of everything there. The experience of this trip, the quality of people I was with, the gradure of the mountian itself, the gradure of its significance... I was overall in complete AWE of my Creator. We worshiped Him in song and I could have stayed there forever in the embrace of the Most High on that mountain... I could feel Him telling me this was home & my spirit kept telling my body not to leave. It was arguably one of if not the most beautiful places I have ever been in my life.

A quick note on driving through the valley of Armegedon. It also helped to make the Bible come alive to me but in a very sobering way... This was because the final events described in the Word to take place there have not yet occured and I must be sure I am not apart of them. The end times & their very obvious presence was another reacurring theme throughout the trip... there is so much I need to meditate on and pray about concerning that...

The beginning of another day (It could have been when we visited Bet She-an a town where they worshiped the Greek god Pan.. but I could have my days mixed up) Anthony gave a talk in the bus before we left on his veiw of the Trinity. It was one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard, so sensuous and beautiful. I might have to ask him again for the details but he described God and us made in His image and Jesus being Gods words and the Spirit being Gods breath. Both coming from God and proceeding from Him. One carried by the other. His words as what makes up who He is and His breath as what (for us) keeps us alive and surrounds us. Us being created in His image and better understand that when we look at our own breath and words... it was quite beautiful.

We also went to what is now called the Mount of the Beattitudes... we sang again and Oscar read aloud the famed sermon... it as was so sobering to hear the Saviors words of how we are to live aloud seeing the surroundings where He himself read them. It again brought scripture to life... he saiys consider the lilies, I glanced over and considered them. He says the same about the birds, I hear them chirping. Oh I should have meditated more on the weight and value of thoes words in that place!

One other cool event, there was a ruin we were in of a city captured and run by the Romans, in the city they had a big ampitheater where plays and concerts were held. Abraham (our AMAZING guide) asked me and Holly to sing it it :) it was a wonderful experience to hear the natural accoustics.This city was another reminder of what God wants us to stay away from: excess. Oscar and Sandra stood inside a real vomitorium. This was an alcove at the entrances of the stadium where you would force yourself to barf to make room for even more food that would be served at the ampitheater itself... scarry to see how old these sins are.

One of the most incredible experiences was at the Jordan River baptismal site. No, I didnt get baptised myself (that would have been number 3 lol) but I'm almost happy I didnt because of what I was able to experience. Ike Needens, a 86 year old amazing many of God was the oldest person on our trip. Anthony Lutz who was one of the leaders of our trip is Ikes gradson. Ike was baptized as an infant in the Luthren church, which has been his only time being baptized. The place we were was the JORDAN RIVER. It was the place where JESUS CHRIST was baptized. Put all thoes amazing things together and you get the picture below. One of the most powerful experience I will ever have and a sight I'm sure not many or maybe no one has ever seen on this earth.

Another incredible experience was going to a place whos name I cant remember but I will call Davids spring. It was the place David supposedly hid when he was fleeing from Saul, a place where he wrote some of the Psalms. Another one of the most beautiful places I have ever been in my life... there was long spring running down which formed a few waterfalls and pools. Katie and I swam in one of the pools, clothes and all. It reminded me of a place in a dream which I would escape to when life would get to hard... enclosed and cool. So much joy, peace and laughter was soaked up there. What a moment that was!

Then heading up towards Jerusalem, Holly Oscar and I began reading various Psalms of Ascent as pilgrims of old had done heading up to Israels eternal captial... we then arived at the Holy City!

We went to the church of the Garden of Gethsemene. Beautiful church with the rock where it is believed Jesus prayed to his Father before his trial and excecution located at the very front... a very Holy spot. We then walked to the garden itself which included olive trees from that very time period. As we walked through I could picture vividly Jesus stumbling, searching trying to find a place to pray yet so very weighted with the agony of anticipation of the events set before him that he could not walk straight. That mood was set up perfectly for communion which we had on a little outlook to the right of the garden... it was so sobering to think of the anguish of Christ... so humbling to think of the pain, which can hardly be described because of the magnitude... all of which I rightly deserve. Next was arguably the most powerfull.... experiences... of my life. They took us to another church... which was Caiaphas's house around where Peter denied Jesus... and where Jesus was held before trial after he was beaten. You could tell that the house was a kind of holding place for prisoners by the way it looked, looking like there were cells in it. They had another place of holding which was only accisible by lower the person through a little hole in the floor. We desceded to that room. It was an all stone room carved out with only a circular hole in the top for light. They had since put a lightsource in there. Abraham has Oscar stay at the top of the stairs. I should first tell you of a practice I had began doing durring the trip. I would close my eyes and meditate on the fact that all of time is before the eyes of God every moment and every place... Abraham had Oscar turn the lights out so that the only light was from the bit of sunlight coming from the hole above. He said something like "Think now... you know in the back of your minds you will be able to easliy leave this place... also you are surrounded by people who care for you... but imagine the hopelessness you would feel being left down here in a place like this with no one." I could hear him sobbing in my mind, I could see his frame. Abraham had Anthony read the 88th Psalm, but we were told to veiw it as from Christs perspective... I will never read it the same again. God brought me there... I could hear him saying thoes words to his Father... Abraham had a person on the left stand against the wall with their arms outstretched... after they walked away from the wall there was an impression of old blood marks left on the stone wall. I lost control... sobbing overtook me... how could they do this? How could he do this? How could I do this. The sharp unfiltered real pain of Jesus my Christ was right before my eyes... all of my sin, failure and punishment strewn... strewn out all over Him... the white hot Holy wrath of Almighty God was close... all I could do was weep over the agony of the loss of his intimacy with the Father... oh the burning passion of the Fathers hatred of my sin... he took it all so I wouldnt have to... I had my back rubbed by a few different people while Anthony held me as I cried. All I could think of as he held me there was that Jesus didnt have this... there was absolutely no comfort... no solice durring this time of unheard of greif... Jesus was completely alone. Something I SO much deserve... poured into Him... oh the eternal significance and power of the crucifixion of Jesus Christ!

The next day we went to where the temple once stood and experienced the most sacred place in all of Judaism: the Western Wall. We went in excited and cheerful then became rather somber... it was one of the most interesting, sacred, strange yet familar experiences I've ever had. We all wrote prayers on slips of paper to stick in the wall as tradition. Then we walked into the courtyard. SO MANY PEOPLE mostly orthodox Jews but definatly not all that. Much activity was going on. Lots of movement, there was singing in the place where the men could touch the wall because they were initiating a new Torah scroll. As we separated men from women to go up to the wall itself, we entered the womens part where many white chairs with people praying in them and some wooden stands standing in a row where people could set their Bibles and read and pray. Some were crying with their faces in the Bible, many were rocking back and fourth and almost all were praying or reciting scripture. I felt, and believe that collectivly we felt, a little out of place right at first. Almost feeling as I was in the wrong place or something. Then an interesting phenomena. I looked up and a feather floated down and landed right infront of my feet. I felt rather clearly that this was from God, a sign of His Holy Spirits presence amid that place. I began to look at the people differently, they began to remind me so very much of how any Christian would act durring a worship service in deep adoration of God with filling of the Holy Spirit... they were moved by their God.... and God was moving them. I waited my turn to touch the wall... feeling like I was constantly hearing "you are grafted into this"... then finally my turn came to place my prayer request into that ancient Holy wall and bend my head down amongst Gods chosen ones, I lifted my requests and became still. Abraham says that whnever he goes there he feels the "Divine Presence". The Holy Spirit was amongst that place.

Part two coming soon...


*XTRA* Random fun photoz

Holly and the first lady!!! (Jersey Airport)

Sponge Bob.. just wont leave me alone

Hamuudi!!! (ask me and I'll tell you more!)  

Late night adventure to the Dead Sea

Offer the Shoffer!!!! So so so so great!

What I Want To Do vs What I Actually Do

I want to:

PREACH THE GOSPEL! not ONLY with how I live my life but with words!! inspired words from the Holy Spirit filled with life and Jesus!!

feed the hungry, clothe the naked, take in the stranger, heal the sick, turn the other cheek, walk the second mile

pour out the jelous, exhausting, weighty, perfect, powerful, awful, big love of the Father to EVERYONE I meet... ESPECIALLY to thoes that hate and despise me

walk to my neighbors and just ask if I can share the gospel with them even if and ESPECIALLY because I think they will turn me down the first time

live C O U R A G E O U S L Y.... filled with the Spirit. Unafriad of what anyone can do to my body

count everything I have as loss

LIVE FOR CHRIST so that my dying will be all gain

have one lover my whole entire life...... Christ JESUS my Lord



What I actually do is:

My homework like a good little privaleged college student

Ignore the voice of God in my head that whispers (and sometimes screams) for more of me

Lay on my nice comfortable bed while other spend the night on the cement as their souls are wasting away without knowledge of the saving gospel

Sit here writing this blog while people DIE without hearing the gospel

What then shall we say? That the law is sin? By no means! Yet if it had not been for the law, I would not have known sin. For I would not have known what it is to covet if the law had not said, "You shall not covet." But sin, seizing an opportunity through the commandment, produced in me all kinds of covetousness. For apart from the law, sin lies dead. I was once alive apart from the law, but when the commandment came, sin came alive and I died. The very commandment that promised life proved to be death to me. For sin, seizing an opportunity through the commandment, deceived me and through it killed me. So the law is holy, and the commandment is holy and righteous and good.

Did that which is good, then, bring death to me? By no means! It was sin, producing death in me through what is good, in order that sin might be shown to be sin, and through the commandment might become sinful beyond measure. For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin. For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.

So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.

Lord, save me from myself

Whats been going through my head

Lord...

God of the Universe...

am i Yours?

I have begun to see in Your Word to what extent the heinous crime of sin really is... I also have begun to see just how much you cannot stand for it. You see it as pussy oozing sore (Isaiah 1:6) and vomit (Proverbs 26:11). Even my good deeds... my good deeds... to you its a soiled dirty tampon (Isaiah 64:6). Oh God... oh Lord God how... how misserable I am. Do I hate this sin? Do I HATE this vomit... these filthy oozing sores of mine. If I truley, with eyes opened wide looked at myself and looked at you, these things are what I would be without You. Oh Jesus... you say without a doubt all over Your Word that if You inhabbit a person they are changed. Their desires, motives and ACTIONS will begin to take a great change. OH JESUS... is that me?

Now... I have seen changes in my life. SIGNIFAGANT changes in what I will, or even what I enjoy allowing myself to watch/read/listen to. I truley have began to find a hatred for sinful things. But oh how I still struggle... oh dear friends... ESPECIALLY those of you who call yourselves "Christians" and claim Christ Jesus...

T  E  S  T    Y  O  U  R    S  E  L  V  E  S
                   1 JOHN 3

I BEG and PLEAD with you... go through the Bible... ESPECIALLY the parts that you don't agree with. Because, you gotta know it makes NO SENSE WHAT-SO-EVER to take only parts of the Bible litterally! (2 Timothy 3:16) Notice how this verse says  A L L . Not most, ALL and you cant skip that part!! So please... read your Bible! Have the changes stated in the Bible began showing up in your life? (Romans 6:19) (Hebrews 10:14) (1 Corinthians 6:11) (Romans 6:22) (and SO much more) If not.. GET DOWN ON YOUR FACE AND PRAY... This is no small deal. SIN is the problem you guys... S I N is the problem. And not anyone elses but you're own sin and my own sin. God did not hide His face from Jesus when He was on the cross because He felt sorry for Him. He did it because MY and YOUR NASTY, UGLY, PEAUTRID, DISPICABLE, DAMNABLE, DIRTY sin... was all He could see. "But the LORD was pleased to crush Him"... (Isaiah 53:10) That is how just God is... do you know how wonderful, beautiful and poweful Jesus is? The universe was made, THROUGH Him, BY Him AND FOR Him. The birds sing for HIM the sun rises for HIM yours and my heart beats for HIM... oh the love that God the Father has for Jesus... it is more than any human could take. He takes great pleasure in Him (Matthew 3:17) The pure unfiltered love God has for His Son would kill me on the spot by the sheer magnitude of it... Yet it pleased the LORD... to crush Him...

Oh yeah... I say to myself I dont sin too bad... Thinking to much about a guy... laughing at a dirty joke here and there...

IT PLEASED GOD TO CRUSH HIS ONE AND ONLY PRECIOUS SINLESS SON BECAUSE AT THAT MOMENT IN TIME HE LOOKED LIKE ME...


...

Now because of that, I can be fully loved my the Most High... Oh the great love and justice of God... all I am saying through this (and I'm saying it mainly to myself)... just check yourself. If there is a definate and notable change in your life from how you were before Christ, that is very good. The biggest sign is... do you hate that you just laughed at that joke? Do you hate that you just spent a good 20 minutes daydreaming about things that you shouldnt? If you DO hate it... that is a very good sign. Now if you dont... pray to God for mercy. And if you feel no shame for any of this what-so-ever... stop claiming Christ and just go on your own way... (Like I said... I'm telling this mainly to myeslf)...

Save me Lord

LifeRightNow...

Have you ever felt like your life has started over again? Have you ever gone through a new season with God (or just of life) where it seems like you're going in a completely new direction?... Spiritually.. I am THERE right now. These past 3 months, and probably the few months leading up to them, have been a roller coaster of spiritual change for me. I have been at some of the lowest places in my life, dealing with some of the HARDEST things both in my life and the life of my family and friends. I've also come to realize some truths about God that have made me desire and yearn for Him more than I ever have in my life. Here are just some of the things that I've been dealing with and have learned:

Trials MUST come. Suffering IS for good.

I feel like I've kind of always known this in the back of my head, seeing the suffering of my family and how God has used it to shape their lives, but I feel for a while I was lured away to thinking that that all horrible things are straight from Satan and that a good God would not want them to happen. Oh how far from the truth that sounds now typing it out! Yes... I am a FIRM believer in the power of God to heal and to restore. I have a cousin who was healed of cancer! I also believe in praying for healing, but ALWAYS ending with the ultimate pleading for Gods will to be done before ours. I do not in any way think God allows pain and suffering (in all ways: emotional, spiritual and physical) because He enjoys it. I believe He allows it to occur to draw us nearer to Himself and to make us look more like Jesus! The evidence of this is found ALL over the Bible both in the Old and New Testaments. Just looking back at my life, its so extremely easy to realize this work. It was the times when I felt everything had been taken away and all the strength in myself and others have completely depleted that I can clearly see that the Almighty, Jesus is the only one I need or want! And that His GLORY surpasses all the other things that I attributed that glory to, before He took it all away. I'm seeing also that suffering MUST come in the Christian life, that we should NEVER, EVER come to a point where we believe we suffered enough or grown to be Christ-like enough. These are hard facts! But, OH how true I believe they are!

Salvation = Transformation


This one still blows my mind. I have began to receive all sorts of new insights on big issues dealing with my faith. I feel like I am just beginning to understand the basics of my faith! One of the most pivotal things I think that I have learned is that just because someone calls themselves a "Christian" does not mean that they truly are. And also I had to (and still do have to) take a really deep and hard look at my own life. What NEEDS to be thoroughly looked at in our lives are OUR FRUITS: what we do on a daily basis and what we truly desire. I should ask myself EVERY day about EVERY action, what is my purpose in this? Am I doing it to the glory of God? And if consistently the answer is no, then I need to truly ask God through the Holy Spirit to see if He has actually changed me. I feel like there are so many people that truly believe that they are saved from their sins just because they prayed a prayer one time in their life. I now know that a prayer CANNOT save you... in the LEAST. ONLY by the power if God the Holy Spirit can you be saved. And, here's the deal, if you are really saved: THERE WILL BEGIN TO BE A CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE, not just in your heart, but daily in the way you live out your life. You will begin to desire things that are NOT of this world. The main verses that contest to this are Matthew 7:15-23

15"Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but
inwardly they are ferocious wolves. 16By their fruit you will recognize them. Do
people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? 17Likewise every
good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18A good tree cannot
bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. 19Every tree that does
not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20Thus, by their fruit
you will recognize them.
21"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will
enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is
in heaven. 22Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy
in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?'
23Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you
evildoers!'

These word have begun to really shake me. They have scared me but I believe they have also saved my life. No... I do NOT believe in any way what-so-ever that works have saved my life or can save any ones life in any way. But I DO BELIEVE that if the work of the Mighty King of Glory JESUS CHRIST has truly SAVED a person, that they CANNOT be the same again. They will not become perfect all of the sudden or ever stop sinning, but they will never be the same and they will CONTINUE changing. And PRAISE GOD FOR THIS!!! I am so glad my eyes have been open to this AMAZING truth! This makes the cross and the glory and purpose of God, SO much more powerful. Praise Him!

The thing I think I've learn the most is... just how much I don't know anything!..... Just how much there is still to learn about our great God... and just... how gracious He is to us... He is SO gracious guys... we need to STOP allowing ourselves to be blinded by our circumstances and our culture... We need to recognize what real truth is... and spend our times dwelling/thinking about/meditating on those things

P.S. Guess what... God willing... I'm going to Israel for 2 weeks in February :D

Notes From God

Just a few things Hes been teaching me lately

There are definate seasons/periods/whatever else you want to call it in life. Sometimes fast, sometimes slow. But He never stops teaching us. Ask for understanding

If you feel defeated by sin, if you feel sluggish, if you feel unuseful, if you feel lonely ect... SERVE. Its this new way about the new Kingdom. It feels conterintuitive at first, but the breath thats breathed anew in yours and the people you are helpings lives is pretty incredible

But... its also ok to just rest. You can still be serving God by just sitting in the knowledge of Him

God is the God of the millionth chance

Be aware of sin in your life. Ask God to reveal just how aweful and monsterous sin is. It feels good to just plain HATE your sin.

See blessing. Accept it. Praise Him for it. Yes, you have it. Everywhere you look. Ask for eyes to see it.

If you think God is asking you to give up something that is an extraneous time waster that is not bringing you closer to Him, it probably is Him who's talking to you. Just start giving it up and ask God what to do with the extra time. You'll be suprised.

Don't be preachy. Don't EVER think you know it all. View everyone on the same level and a little higher than yourself.

Do expect change in yourself, but don't expect it to come fast

God WILL work things out. Even when and especially when you can't see it yet

The only good in you is not from you at all. And that is the same with everyone else

The Spirit of God is so powerful and GOOD. Ask Jesus for Him to come more often

ONE DAY AT A TIME. Dream big, but don't plan. Be ok if His dream for you is even bigger or (on the outside) smaller than your own

Endless struggle WILL END, there will come times when litterally all you can do is hold on to your Father... when we are there, usually deliverance is about to come

Be patient with yourself when learning patience... obviously

Let yourself get excited sometimes, the joy of the Lord is your strength

Find your comfort in scripture and likeminded individuals when you feel like you're the only one

A Day is coming when we'll see Him... think about that more often



Oh and you should watch this and the other two as well. I love the DCB :) Guess whats in two weeksyeah its CREATION!

:)

I Timothy 1:15-17

Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.

I am so sinfull

And I dont even notice it.

I overlook my own faults and focus on the faults of others and wonder why my conscious feels so heavy laden.

God blesses me with an over abundance of all I need and I cant even give Him full gratitude because the one thing I think I need He has not given me yet.

Instead of being able to fully pour myself into other peoples lives and encourage them I'm here having a personal pity party.


Sometimes I really dont know why I'm here, why I feel a call, though somewhat unspecific but definatly a call, on my life and why God has chosen to save me. Now, probably more than I ever have in my entire existance am realizing just how truley and beautifully God has blessed me and to what great extent I do NOT deserve any of it.

Oh how confident I am however.. in the power of God the Father, through His Son Jesus Christ by His Holy Spirit


Praise God for Himself