Haha, sometimes life just happens and I forget to record it on here. Things have changed so drastically in my life since I last came around here its rather comical. Blogging is such an interesting thing. Is it a private journal that people can see or is it something else? I'll have to blog about that later ;)
Anyway, so I quit grad school. Straight up quit. Haha! I was SO scared and unsure about that a couple of months ago. Ah, can I tell you? YHWH God is SO amazing! We can get so off track sometimes.. He is so GRACIOUS when we are O P E N to admitting that we were wrong AND changing our ways... He is the best thing ever guys!
Quit grad school, started volunteering again (deep exhale) at Quincy CTC Youth Coalition and Solomon's Porch! Both have brought me so much life! Even though they both can be exhausting and both have been going through major changes since the time I started volunteering with both, I can safety say that all the panic attack symptoms I was experiencing before, GONE!!! I am SO grateful to YHWH for that! As I've told many people before, I actually feel like I'm living my life again... haha! SO GOOD!!
And guess what... I actually went to San Francisco!!!!! The place I had felt called to for nearly 2 years... I was able to actually go last week with 2 of my FAVORITE people on the planet! Such a FUN trip! Got to serve some super cool people, now comes the part of digesting all that went on and deciphering the voice of God in it all
(Did I say yet how AWESOME Elohim is???)
All of this to say (and to make sense of the title of this blog)
I feel like the Almighty might have shown me something when climbing up a mountain in San Francisco (was SOO blessed to be able to do that!). A metaphor for Torah observance... and really just for life.
So as I was walking up one of the more strenuous parts of the mountain, I looked off into the distance at the BEAUTIFUL sight of the Bay Area. I looked at my feet as they were walking and took a little bit of time to rest. I've been told many a time that life is like a journey. I thought about the current journey that I was going on, up to the top of a mountain. I continued thinking, when we are born; we are innocent. Though we have the propensity to sin, there are so many things of evil that are completely foreign to us. I believe (at least at this point) that in some ways we are the closest to our Creator at the time of birth, freshly breathed over the breath of life from our Life-Giver. I then thought of Moses and one of my new favorite verses:
So the people stood at a distance, while Moses approached the thick cloud where God was
So if we are close to God when we're born, and if we just look at Exodus, in a way we can look at life as a mountain and the top of that mountain is YHWH. We start out around there and almost immediately book it down to the bottom of the mountain the super bottom. A crevasse, deep, dark and eternally away from even the foothills of the mountain. By the Blood of the Lamb we are put at the mountains base and we can again see where we belong, with our Creator on the mountain top! So we start our climb! The first while is really easy, beautiful and enjoyable, being able to see again what we were made for! Then the road gets rough, maybe there are a few different paths that need choosing to take, some of them easier, some of them more difficult but could put you at a closer place, some of them leading back down to the crevasse out of need for comfort of what is "familiar". You see people heading both up and down the mountain, some people stopped, taking a pause at where they are at, some people setting up camp there...
This analogy could really go all over the place and maybe its not completely accurate, but it sort of help me understand my walk with YHWH a little bit better especially when it comes to keeping His mitzvot. Instead of viewing the Torah/commandments as this looming list of do's and don'ts it helps to view it as a journey that aids in your breathing and living relationship with the Father. Not by ANY means as a way of appeasing or making things right with the Father, but as a way of knowing Him, seeing what HE desires and considers a good path to walk.
I feel things shifting.
I really think my time in this little town I've called home for so long might be running short... Please pray for my family if you read this. My Aunt Glenda's health is waning and I feel there is spiritual and physical attack happening to my family because I also believe that YHWH has something AMAZING planned for ALL of them that might be coming soon...
We're in exciting/scary times. But as long as our faces are heading towards the Father by means of His Son, we can say along with Brother Martin,
"I just want to do God's will. And He's allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I've looked over. And I've seen the Promised Land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the promised land!
And so I'm happy, tonight.
I'm not worried about anything.
I'm not fearing any man!
Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord!!"
Trekking up the hill
Mikey and a view from the top :)