Thursday, November 29, 2012

Lil' Breaktime + Plugging a friend

Ahh... It feels good to be on here more often again :) **and when I mean more often I mean like WAY more often!! I think this is my 3rd post in like a week and a half! lol.

So... update then friend plug. Taking a break from working on my GRAD SCHOOL ONLINE CLASS!!! (crazy.) Also, realizing that weather really does have a huge affect on my mood. Nobody really texted me yesterday and I was feeling really lonely and pouty about not having alot of people to hang out with... I even cried a little about it... then I yelled at myself and began battling my emotions that had no right to be there. I am TOTALLY blessed beyond measure, I don't need to be pouting about being lonely ( not to say being lonely is good... its actually the first thing that God names "not good" in His creation -Genesis 2:18) when I have been given so much. When I hit the sheets that night, it was as if I was falling into Abbas arms of encouragement, reassuring me of His presence and purpose even in hard spots. I believe He was encouraging me in the fight against my flesh (thoughts/feelings/emotions not in line with God) and my enemy (Hasatan/Satan and his desire to destroy my contentment in God). I changed the background of my phone to say, "GRATEFUL". Its a great reminder (to not lead you to think I completely went off track, I think a bit of the emotional roller coaster is due to it being so incredibly dark all the time!).

Anyway, 2 (and a half) things that have been refreshing to my spirit today. Putting grooveshark on just as background music and having the words of "You Have Me" by Gungor hit me like a rock, leading me to cry at the gratefulness of my heart to my God for being SO SO ..... so faithful and reliable during this time of great transition and uncertainty and vulnerably for me (if you wanna know more about whats causing those things in my life......... call me. Don't really wanna share that on the Internet. lol). Then after that putting on the music of Balmorhea to put in the background for doing my homework being completely re-refreshed by the beauty of there music. After that I was poking around at some friend's twitter accounts (I dont have one... promise) and found that a dear friend has a site that he posted all his instagram photos. He just really makes me smile and is a real artist in alot of ways. Here's Dylan's instagram page.

Thank you God for being constant and showing Your beauty through alot of things.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

The teacher let me use his computer :)

Subbing in advisory class is a great opportunity to blog :)

Realizing today I have had SO much in my mind recently... thoughts on God, what I believe about Him... what I've learned about Him the past few months (going to synagogue) the past year (during Mission Year) and my entire life (rediscovering entries in this blog)... I feel like I'm slowly being reminded that, as long as my desire is for more and more of the revelation of who God really is and how I can give my life to Him, live how Hes asked us to live, and seeking salvation from Him alone, that's a pretty great life. I struggle allot with wanting to know everything... and wanting to know the absolute truth about things, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but can quickly become a bad thing when knowing and proclaiming the truth is coming out of pride and control, things that I KNOW for a FACT are the OPPOSITE of Yeshuas character and God's desire for us to be... Everything with God and life is so dichomotic.. there are 2 extremes that are both the same or we have to somehow live in the the middle of them.... with so many things... law/grace... responsibility/Gods sovereignty... strength/weakness.... the list goes on.

King Solomon puts it so well...
Of making many books there is no end, and much study is a weariness of the flesh. The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God, and keep his commandments; for that is the whole duty of everyone. For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every secret thing, whether good or evil.
       Ecclesiastes 12:12-14
There are SO many other things that have been on my mind as well that I don't have time to divulge fully of as well...

...Seattle (how much I stinkin' miss it)...
...Houston (how much I stinkin' miss it)...

That the tip of the iceberg.... maybe I should do a blog entry on eacha those...

P.S. About to re-launch my website: checkr' out :)

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Fish Love

Check out this video on the Jewish view on love.

Real good


Friday, November 16, 2012

It's Been Too Long... In need of an update

I'm subbing for an accounting class at a high school and just had a good (but seemingly disruptive) student ask me... "Hey miss... Yes?... Did you hear about what happened in the newspaper the other day?.... What happened?.... The energizer bunny, was charged with battery.... Good one."

I never thought I would be a teacher. Maybe once or twice when I was very small, but as I grew older in the school system and saw how the attitudes my peers and I had for my teachers at times I ended up thinking it would probably be a HORRIBLE job to deal with stinky, disrespectful kids...

God always seems to throw us curve balls.

Not only am I swinging at a curve ball in my vocational pursuits (all the previous paragraphs to say is its looking like I'm going to be completing another season of education going for a degree in Special Education) but theologically where I am at now is completely opposite of where I ever thought I would be.

I've been going to a Messianic Jewish Synagogue here in Quincy. Now, would I currently consider myself a Messianic Jew? No, not yet. But I now have beliefs that not alot of other Christians posses, at least at this time. Like the importance of following Gods law as laid out in the Torah (OT), not including the parts that are impossible to do/Yeshua did away with. And also, to clarify, NOT following them for salvation but what comes out of a relationship with God after salvation. I also feel like I know and understand more in Gods Word than I ever have (which includes knowing that I have only begun to scratch the very surface of the revelation and wisdom of the Almighty). This has been an exciting/scary/unexpected part of my journey with God. More than all those descriptors I'm sticking with EXCITING :)

Lastly, I am definitely in a place right now I never though I'd be.

Namely, where I grew up. The big Q (haha). Now, why God has me here... I have a few ideas but honestly, I have no clue. He always seems to place us exactly where we thought we would never want to be but it ALWAYS works out exactly how it needs to IF (huge conditional "if" right there) we're following Him (John 14:15).

The biggest thing God is teaching me and I'm slowing allowing myself to learn is TRUST in Him... If I was were I am right now at the growth level I was at a year ago I would be freaking out (not that I don't do that sometimes now). I would be trying with all my power to get as far away from here as I could. I'm also seeing that in other areas of my life (my singleness). God is really REALLY showing me that He is trustworthy even through the little events that will happen throughout my week. I will want something to happen and really desire to try and control the outcome of stuff. Then I realize if I try and force things to happen the way I want them too (this is all coming out of a proud and self-exalting spirit) it will never glorify God, thus it really isn't what I want and defiantly not what God wants. So there have been a few times, instead of taking things into my own hands like I do so often I said, "No God, I give this desire to You. If You want this to happen, show me how You want things to be done or You do it". Let me tell you, that is a GREAT place to be. He will either redirect your desires or FULFILL THEM. How awesome is our God

We'll see what God does with the rest of my life. I just hope and pray I'm ALWAYS in a constant state of humility and dependence on Him.

Even with curve balls and stinky kids.