Saturday, December 29, 2012





Follow one of my best friends and her family on a journey to the Holy land, reuniting her grandmother with her siblings who she hasn’t seen in over 60 years!


Fulfilling prophecy, revealing history, expanding family


WOW! So cool!

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Venting of Personal Frustration

(I started a great blog post that I just haven't had time to finish... will probably finish within the next few days I'm supposing... gotta get this off my chest first)


Why is it so hard to be truly grateful?

Why does sooooooooooo much of my happiness depend on how my life compares with the lives of others?

I know that some of the reasons why I don't feel %100 fulfilled are just because certain areas of my life aren't fulfilled yet (marriage/family) and though I have to realize that having that lack does suck and theres not much that I can do to change that, that does IN NO WAY mean that people who do have those things have any less struggle, heart ache, problems ect. than I do. Its just that their problems are different (and in some ways, harder) than my own.

Why can't I get it into my thick skull that EVERY part of life has beauty, wonder, fulfillment and LIFE and that I am NEVER going to get the time of my life that's happening right now back again?

When will I realize that everything isn't final all the time? That most likely I will not end up settling down in Quincy, that most likely I will find someone to be with for the rest of my life, that most likely I will have a family... its just all those things aren't contingent on MY time frame but on GODS...

Most importantly, when will I realize that:

God's timing is better than mine...
Until I get it, I'm seeking to learn to love God with all that I've got every day and loving people in the best ways that I can every day and living, every day as if that's all I got. Soaking up every blessing, letting go of the sin that so easily entangles, rejoicing in what God has given me, rejoicing in what God has gifted others, FORSAKING the lies of this age/Satan/my flesh that will tell me to covet what isn't and shouldn't be mine.
It's a hard process... but I think its the process itself that really counts in the end to God anyway...

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Lil' Breaktime + Plugging a friend

Ahh... It feels good to be on here more often again :) **and when I mean more often I mean like WAY more often!! I think this is my 3rd post in like a week and a half! lol.

So... update then friend plug. Taking a break from working on my GRAD SCHOOL ONLINE CLASS!!! (crazy.) Also, realizing that weather really does have a huge affect on my mood. Nobody really texted me yesterday and I was feeling really lonely and pouty about not having alot of people to hang out with... I even cried a little about it... then I yelled at myself and began battling my emotions that had no right to be there. I am TOTALLY blessed beyond measure, I don't need to be pouting about being lonely ( not to say being lonely is good... its actually the first thing that God names "not good" in His creation -Genesis 2:18) when I have been given so much. When I hit the sheets that night, it was as if I was falling into Abbas arms of encouragement, reassuring me of His presence and purpose even in hard spots. I believe He was encouraging me in the fight against my flesh (thoughts/feelings/emotions not in line with God) and my enemy (Hasatan/Satan and his desire to destroy my contentment in God). I changed the background of my phone to say, "GRATEFUL". Its a great reminder (to not lead you to think I completely went off track, I think a bit of the emotional roller coaster is due to it being so incredibly dark all the time!).

Anyway, 2 (and a half) things that have been refreshing to my spirit today. Putting grooveshark on just as background music and having the words of "You Have Me" by Gungor hit me like a rock, leading me to cry at the gratefulness of my heart to my God for being SO SO ..... so faithful and reliable during this time of great transition and uncertainty and vulnerably for me (if you wanna know more about whats causing those things in my life......... call me. Don't really wanna share that on the Internet. lol). Then after that putting on the music of Balmorhea to put in the background for doing my homework being completely re-refreshed by the beauty of there music. After that I was poking around at some friend's twitter accounts (I dont have one... promise) and found that a dear friend has a site that he posted all his instagram photos. He just really makes me smile and is a real artist in alot of ways. Here's Dylan's instagram page.

Thank you God for being constant and showing Your beauty through alot of things.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

The teacher let me use his computer :)

Subbing in advisory class is a great opportunity to blog :)

Realizing today I have had SO much in my mind recently... thoughts on God, what I believe about Him... what I've learned about Him the past few months (going to synagogue) the past year (during Mission Year) and my entire life (rediscovering entries in this blog)... I feel like I'm slowly being reminded that, as long as my desire is for more and more of the revelation of who God really is and how I can give my life to Him, live how Hes asked us to live, and seeking salvation from Him alone, that's a pretty great life. I struggle allot with wanting to know everything... and wanting to know the absolute truth about things, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but can quickly become a bad thing when knowing and proclaiming the truth is coming out of pride and control, things that I KNOW for a FACT are the OPPOSITE of Yeshuas character and God's desire for us to be... Everything with God and life is so dichomotic.. there are 2 extremes that are both the same or we have to somehow live in the the middle of them.... with so many things... law/grace... responsibility/Gods sovereignty... strength/weakness.... the list goes on.

King Solomon puts it so well...
Of making many books there is no end, and much study is a weariness of the flesh. The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God, and keep his commandments; for that is the whole duty of everyone. For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every secret thing, whether good or evil.
       Ecclesiastes 12:12-14
There are SO many other things that have been on my mind as well that I don't have time to divulge fully of as well...

...Seattle (how much I stinkin' miss it)...
...Houston (how much I stinkin' miss it)...

That the tip of the iceberg.... maybe I should do a blog entry on eacha those...

P.S. About to re-launch my website: checkr' out :)

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Fish Love

Check out this video on the Jewish view on love.

Real good


Friday, November 16, 2012

It's Been Too Long... In need of an update

I'm subbing for an accounting class at a high school and just had a good (but seemingly disruptive) student ask me... "Hey miss... Yes?... Did you hear about what happened in the newspaper the other day?.... What happened?.... The energizer bunny, was charged with battery.... Good one."

I never thought I would be a teacher. Maybe once or twice when I was very small, but as I grew older in the school system and saw how the attitudes my peers and I had for my teachers at times I ended up thinking it would probably be a HORRIBLE job to deal with stinky, disrespectful kids...

God always seems to throw us curve balls.

Not only am I swinging at a curve ball in my vocational pursuits (all the previous paragraphs to say is its looking like I'm going to be completing another season of education going for a degree in Special Education) but theologically where I am at now is completely opposite of where I ever thought I would be.

I've been going to a Messianic Jewish Synagogue here in Quincy. Now, would I currently consider myself a Messianic Jew? No, not yet. But I now have beliefs that not alot of other Christians posses, at least at this time. Like the importance of following Gods law as laid out in the Torah (OT), not including the parts that are impossible to do/Yeshua did away with. And also, to clarify, NOT following them for salvation but what comes out of a relationship with God after salvation. I also feel like I know and understand more in Gods Word than I ever have (which includes knowing that I have only begun to scratch the very surface of the revelation and wisdom of the Almighty). This has been an exciting/scary/unexpected part of my journey with God. More than all those descriptors I'm sticking with EXCITING :)

Lastly, I am definitely in a place right now I never though I'd be.

Namely, where I grew up. The big Q (haha). Now, why God has me here... I have a few ideas but honestly, I have no clue. He always seems to place us exactly where we thought we would never want to be but it ALWAYS works out exactly how it needs to IF (huge conditional "if" right there) we're following Him (John 14:15).

The biggest thing God is teaching me and I'm slowing allowing myself to learn is TRUST in Him... If I was were I am right now at the growth level I was at a year ago I would be freaking out (not that I don't do that sometimes now). I would be trying with all my power to get as far away from here as I could. I'm also seeing that in other areas of my life (my singleness). God is really REALLY showing me that He is trustworthy even through the little events that will happen throughout my week. I will want something to happen and really desire to try and control the outcome of stuff. Then I realize if I try and force things to happen the way I want them too (this is all coming out of a proud and self-exalting spirit) it will never glorify God, thus it really isn't what I want and defiantly not what God wants. So there have been a few times, instead of taking things into my own hands like I do so often I said, "No God, I give this desire to You. If You want this to happen, show me how You want things to be done or You do it". Let me tell you, that is a GREAT place to be. He will either redirect your desires or FULFILL THEM. How awesome is our God

We'll see what God does with the rest of my life. I just hope and pray I'm ALWAYS in a constant state of humility and dependence on Him.

Even with curve balls and stinky kids.

Friday, February 17, 2012

A few words and a few encouragements.


Its been a long time.

It's crazy how business adds up time wise. Its been a good business, a hard business, a confusing business, a fun business... a completely different business than I've ever been in.

I'm slowly being changed. By beholding my Beloved, continually coming back to Him, and living with others on a similar journey. Its weird... haha.. its crazy. I think it's taken this time to actually see that I am being changed, slowly but surely. I have a frustrated/love relationship with the plans of God. They are NOTHING like I thought they would be, but they are EXACTLY what I need. He has me in a place of active waiting on Him. Though I have a ministry here and now and all the time, I still haven't heard a clear call of the specifics of what and where my life will look like. Sometimes I doubt, sometimes I wander away from the path... and that really scares me. And in some way I hope it continues to scare me... but not in a fear of man or fear of the future or fear of anything... but may it move into a healthy fear and reverence of God that will manifest into drawing me nearer to Him, thus eradicating any other fear.

Though the specifics of my calling remain unsure, there are things that have been revealed to me here that I now see are essential to this path that I'm walking:


I'm seeing these abstract words in a new fleshed out light, seeing what some of them actually mean. I'm learning something here that I thought I was going to learn but honestly had no idea what it looked like: loving people who aren't like me and that are hard to love. My desire is to learn what love actually looks like. What loving GOD actually looks like. What loving PEOPLE and MYSELF actually looks like. I get it wrong alot of the time... but I'm starting to feel like anchor that as long as I keep showing up, keep trying, keep coming back (שׁוּב shuv: repent) He... beautiful He will be faithful. Is faithful. Will be faithful.

Wanted to share a couple of things have have been encouraging/inspiring to me as of late.

Though I'm not but into the "hardcore" music now-a-days, God continues to break out of my boxes. Prayer and healing have been something that the past couple of years God has laid HEAVILY on my heart and I LOVE to hear testimonies of Gods faithfulness in these areas as I continue to pursue them. Though that seemed like 2 unrelated sentences, I'm going to bring them together for you. There is this group of bands/ministry/movement called Come&Live! which is a group of heavy metal Christians bands who tour and love on people and see Gods power very often. Their blogs have been a source of encouragement for me to keep praying and believing in the power of God even in the midst of my own disbelief or visible manifestations of power. You can find their blogsite here and I'll give you a chunk of a blog entry that really gave me encouragement here:

In all these cases we prayed much but saw few results. In all honesty, we saw very little in the area of physical needs restored at festival this year. What I know, now more than ever, is that I don’t have it all figured out. I don’t have all the answers, but my heart yearns to become more like the ultimate Answer. Jesus experienced 100% recovery in those he prayed for – nothing was impossible for him. Until we see the same, we humbly learn to fulfill 1 Thessalonians 5, “Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing.” Giving up on the needs of others is not a character-trait Christ possessed, nor should I/we. Who am I to think God can’t just as easily restore all three cases long after I’m gone? Maybe more “high-fiving Americans” isn’t what New Zealand needs? If anything, the times we don’t see what we believe for allows us the opportunity to grow in ways in which we never knew possible. I’m growing. It’s good for you to know that this faith journey is ongoing. Grow and grow. Not seeing results? Not sure where God is in your trials? Don’t give up on yourself, on others and especially on God. Part of our story is cheering each other on in this good fight of faith. Giving up on others when we don’t see God-sized results is worse than not praying at all. Persevere. Jesus, you are near. Even when we don’t see things happening, even when we are doubt-filled, full of fear, unbelieving and completely uncertain of your goodness – you are near. Move our hearts toward the broken. Guide us to be and do who Jesus was and what Jesus did. 
 And lastly *sigh* when I get home from break, I am probably going to buy this: If you never heard of Josh Garrels, I need you to do 2 things. 1. Go to and get his FREE album and 2. Listen to it a couple of times, praise God and enjoy :)