I have seen a better way
and i am not in that way
I have seen a fuller life
and i am not living it
I have seen a more pure Country
and i am not really a citizen
Oh that we all may be humbled as i have just been humbled. I feel as if i have seen Jesus just a few minutes ago. I took a walk to under the Fremont bridge to pray. Halfway through my time i decided it would be good to go to another spot next time i did this, as probably close to 100 people at one time or another passed by. But i was placed there for a reason today. The thing i've struggled with the most spiritualy the past while and really through most of my walk with Christ is simply knowing His voice and obeying it when I hear Him tell me to do something. As I was praying on the bench I heard someone come up the little hill, I looked and it was an older, might be homeless looking man who nodded a few times at me, picked up some garbage off the ground to throw away sat down and sat down with his backback and thermus for lunch. I felt God telling me to offer a granola bar i had to him after i was done praying ( i have little post its on the bars with Matthew 28:20 on them). So i did that. He said no thanks and showed me the chicken and mashed potatoes that he got from the store and said he was waiting for his friend. He asked if i was from SPU and i said yes and he told me he knew alot of people from SPU and how he would get beer for some of them. He then began telling me all of these stories, one involving a girl who he gave a pot brownie to on accident before she went to class and how he saw a naked guy running around by where we were sitting. Then me, being my fallen and stuck up self, slowly tried to leave after listening to a few more stories. His name was Joe. After i finally left Joe i kept hearing "go back go back" in my head as i prayed and started to feel really conflicted and really wondering what i would say/ what i would do if i went back and just really struggling inwardly like i always do with everything when it comes to obeying God. As i gave in to my selfish self and kept waking i saw a black man laying on another bench without a shirt on and with lots of posessions with him and i thought he was sleeping. I was then going to leave a granola bar for him there but as i got closer he moved around so i saw he was awake. Since i was just battleing with God i must have felt the need to actually listen to His voice this time and went over and offered him the granola bar. He said he would like one then read what i had written on the little peice of paper. He couldnt read the bottom so i told him it was from Matthew and he said, "Oh then you're a Christian" I said yes so he began sharing with me all of these verses similar to the one i had written about Gods consistancy and how He is here yesterday today and forever. He then gave the verse where Jesus says that we will do even greater things then he did. He talked about how the verse that says if we said to a mountian move and it will be done is not talking litterally but figuratively. He gave the example of someone who is obsessed with sex and how when gives that to God, whenever a thought comes to tempt him, he can move that thought from his mind. He said that our God is bigger and more awesome than any bad thing we can come across. He said "I talked to God today and he said I should work on my tan!" He asked me if i knew the reference to some of the scriptures and i said i didnt. I got out the Bible that I carry around with me and said that he could have it to use for that. He said thank you very much to me not only for giving him the granola bar and Bible but that because I gave that to him, he intern will share it with others. After learning his name, Mr. Jones, told him to have a good day and enjoy his tan. As i walked off i began to weep, bitterly. All the way home i was crying, my heart too full with blessing from this man who is living it, living this life that i say that i am living but am actually not. See the pure and beautiful eyes of Jesus Christ in this man has made me realize how far off we are from what Jesus wants in this society. And I think we all know it. The love and knowledge of the Lovely One this man showed to me, a perfect stranger, is of SO much more value than the little candy bar with a verse on it that i was pridefully going to give to him *out of the kindness of my heart* we are SCUM...... and the people we view as SCUM got it more right than we will ever hope to get it. It is so true. Any missionary or field worker you will ever talk to will tell you it: there is SO much more the poor can give us than we can ever hope to give to them. ITS THE KINGDOM OF GOD. the last ARE first, the first ARE last! It is incredible to me to see this already healed shining glorious kingdom inside the eyes of this man Mr. Jones....
i... am SO... unworthy
my disobedience... to the simplest of request
I added Joe and Mr. Jones to my prayer list.... I find it incredible the little that I did for them out of the pridefulness of myself is just shattered to peices by the things I've learned from them from less then 10 minutes of conversation.
I hope and pray if i learned anything from this event..... is to just follow where God leads. to not worry even about the state of your own life... just follow.........just follow