O Death

...Father... Give me strength to be what I need to be... help me point to You, and be Your physical comfort to those who need it... I don't ask for answers... I ask for Your Spirit... I have felt so much need lately... with this I am reminded that YOU are the ULTIMATE Provider and that if I seek first the Kingdom, I need not worry about anything else. For most things are out of my control... Oh Abba... help me hold Your hand today... help me to show others how to take Your hand as well... prevent me from getting caught up with unanswerable questions but not to refrain others from asking them. O Ruach... Breathe Your Comfort through me...

Again.... ah... again. I'm subbing at the high school all this week and last night... a well known/loved senior took his life.... I know I'm blogging and that is talking... but I don't even really feel like talking about it... There's been so much death... I guess that happens as you get older...


It just hits you when its the young ones.

Pray for the town of Quincy and the Prchal family... pray for all who are mourning... thank the LORD that they will be comforted



Psalm 77

English Standard Version (ESV)

In the Day of Trouble I Seek the Lord
To the choirmaster: according to Jeduthun. A Psalm of Asaph.


77 I cry aloud to God,

aloud to God, and he will hear me.

2 In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord;

in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying;

my soul refuses to be comforted.

3 When I remember God, I moan;

when I meditate, my spirit faints. Selah


4 You hold my eyelids open;

I am so troubled that I cannot speak.

5 I consider the days of old,

the years long ago.

6 I said, “Let me remember my song in the night;

let me meditate in my heart.”

Then my spirit made a diligent search:

7 “Will the Lord spurn forever,

and never again be favorable?

8 Has his steadfast love forever ceased?

Are his promises at an end for all time?

9 Has God forgotten to be gracious?

Has he in anger shut up his compassion?” Selah


10 Then I said, “I will appeal to this,
to the years of the right hand of the Most High.”

Faith, Doubt, Death and Cancer

I just finished bawling my eyes out.

About three or so years ago when I was on the popular social media site Tumblr, I heard about a little girl who was diagnosed with cancer. She was the daughter of Californian pastor Britt Merrick. I prayed for Daisy and would receive updates on her occasionally. After I got rid of my Tumblr, I would occasionally check up on a website the Merrick's made for Daisy's progress. I remember telling my mom a few times when I would find out that her cancer was in remission or when it had returned. I checked the website again after a long while of not checking it to find out that her condition had worsened greatly. I prayed for little Daisy when I heard it. I checked in about a week after that post to find out that she had died. I just finished watching her memorial service, you can find it here.

Cancer and death are such ugly things...

A close friend of my sisters best friend about a month ago was found to have committed suicide, with little to no indication of any depression problems.

 

A lady who has been like family to my family for many years was recently diagnosed with colon cancer. She had surgery today and will, God willing come home in around five days.

 

I received a call this morning from one of my dear neighbors in Houston to let me know that her mother, a wonderful sweet lady whom I had laughed and enjoyed time with and prayed with, passed away yesterday.

 

As I watched Daisy's memorial service I found myself moved to tears, lots of tears. Even though I didn't personally know this little girl, the stories of her faith were extremely moving, as well as the brokenness and sting on the faces of her friends and family. All those tears weren't just for Daisy though...

They were for each of my dear friends who are suffering from the affects of cancer and death... Things that I do not think are in the will of God but that God has somehow worked into His plan.

Doubt was discussed some by Daisy's father. He admitted that she asked all the questions that we all would have asked if we were her at different points of her journey: Why is there cancer? Why do I have it? Will I die? Where is God in all of this? Despite the doubt, it sounds like Daisy chose to believe that God was greater than her circumstances and became from the sounds of it, one of the most grateful little girls that I have ever heard of. In the midst of horrible pain that no one should experience let alone a little girl, she, out of her own volition, would choose to send God joy filled prayers of thanks for her family and friends, and not "why me" prayers concerning her situation. As her mom was sharing she mentioned the all to real fact that the things we complain about in America cannot compare with the horrors and struggle most face on a daily basis in other countries, and yet we begin to doubt God if we don't get exactly what we want while people who are going without food are joyfully trusting the Lord......

I too, am guilty of this kind of sickly, puffed up (as Daisy's mom put it) entitlement.

For anyone reading this, let this be a reminder that EVERYTHING is a GIFT,

E V E R Y  D A Y is a GIFT given by the Father of Lights.

Please, say a prayer for yours and my suffering friends, and LORD PLEASE may we all think twice before complaining about anything.

Dead

Feel like I've been

battling

pushing

pulling

trying

slacking

sleeping

crying

failing

failing

failing...

for a while now... living the Christian life great for a while, then royally screwing it up. Trying hard to protect myself from messing up all the while making huge mistakes in other areas. Asking for Gods help but only sometimes taking it. All the time battling mean spirited untrue thoughts about people who are close to me... Then times when I'm so tired... ah.

O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?

A dear, dear friend of mines grandmother recently called me out of no where and laid much grace and mercy from God on me in a phone conversation when I was feeling so heavy and weighed down. She recommended (and gave) this book to me called "The Green Letters" by Miles J. Stanford which is about Christian maturity. Man, God is so sovereign... something I say non stop but... I can't get over it. This book has been speaking volumes to me about...myself. And more importantly about Christ. I need to realize, accept, and (haha) live daily in the fact that because of CHRIST


I'm dead,

For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. 

There was no hope for me, my flesh. So God came and I was crucified, 2,000 years ago. And me, my flesh needs to STAY in that tomb so that Jesus may live in this tent.

But I'm not going down easy I guess...

"Is it not time we allowed the Holy Spirit to get at the source, and cut off this stream of sins before they are committed? Is this not infinitely better than the wreckage caused by sin, even through confessed? When believers get sick and tired of spinning year after year in a spiritual squirrel cage- sinning, confessing, but then sinning again- they will be ready for God's answer to the source of sin, which is death to self, brought fourth from the completed work of the cross...I must recognize that the enemy within the camp- the flesh, the old nature, self, I, the old Adam- is a usurper. By faith I must reckon him to be in the place that God put him- crucified with Christ. I must realize that now my life is hid with Christ in God; that He is my life."   
The Green Letters

 All this to say I still haven't gotten it yet... but man... oh man do I believe... that God is a gracious God.

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

It is ALL Him... all the time!


So while in the midst of this struggle of putting to death my self and allowing the Spirit free reign I find kindred spirits who seem to sing the same song :)

A Theological Point I've Never Really Thought About...

Found another new (new to me) teaching which goes against what I've always believed but has lots of Biblical proof...

http://www.amazingfacts.org/FreeStuff/BibleStudies/StudyGuides/tabid/105/ctl/ViewMedia/mid/453/IID/2-10/LNG/en/SC/W/Default.aspx?7=Are-The-Dead-Really-Dead?