Wednesday, November 18, 2009

What I Want To Do vs What I Actually Do

I want to:

PREACH THE GOSPEL! not ONLY with how I live my life but with words!! inspired words from the Holy Spirit filled with life and Jesus!!

feed the hungry, clothe the naked, take in the stranger, heal the sick, turn the other cheek, walk the second mile

pour out the jelous, exhausting, weighty, perfect, powerful, awful, big love of the Father to EVERYONE I meet... ESPECIALLY to thoes that hate and despise me

walk to my neighbors and just ask if I can share the gospel with them even if and ESPECIALLY because I think they will turn me down the first time

live C O U R A G E O U S L Y.... filled with the Spirit. Unafriad of what anyone can do to my body

count everything I have as loss

LIVE FOR CHRIST so that my dying will be all gain

have one lover my whole entire life...... Christ JESUS my Lord

What I actually do is:

My homework like a good little privaleged college student

Ignore the voice of God in my head that whispers (and sometimes screams) for more of me

Lay on my nice comfortable bed while other spend the night on the cement as their souls are wasting away without knowledge of the saving gospel

Sit here writing this blog while people DIE without hearing the gospel

What then shall we say? That the law is sin? By no means! Yet if it had not been for the law, I would not have known sin. For I would not have known what it is to covet if the law had not said, "You shall not covet." But sin, seizing an opportunity through the commandment, produced in me all kinds of covetousness. For apart from the law, sin lies dead. I was once alive apart from the law, but when the commandment came, sin came alive and I died. The very commandment that promised life proved to be death to me. For sin, seizing an opportunity through the commandment, deceived me and through it killed me. So the law is holy, and the commandment is holy and righteous and good.

Did that which is good, then, bring death to me? By no means! It was sin, producing death in me through what is good, in order that sin might be shown to be sin, and through the commandment might become sinful beyond measure. For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin. For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.
So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.
Lord, save me from myself

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

A Cry

(WARNING: vent... read at own discretion)

I write this mainly to myself but also include any others who call yourselves "Christians"... all other people are excluded from this rant...

Oh... when God.... when will we realize.... that when in Your Word you say "POWER" and "GLORY".... that is what you mean... that you are not only a God of love but of WRATH and that you DEMAND .. You DEMAND justice!! When will we realize our pitiful folly... our course jokes... our complete blindness to the Power and Glory of Your name and Your self... You have become our trinket.... A word we use when we're angry.... our "homeboy"....

Creator and Sustainer of all things...

my homeboy??? I dont care anymore if its just a joke I dont care anymore if I'm quoting someone i dont FREAKING care how funny it really is... Lord... I'm tempted to ask you strike me where i stand when i take you lightly..... Oh Holiness... Oh Great Majesty ..............

forgive me

I cant do it! I cant live this life!!!! I CANNOT LIVE THE CHRISTIAN LIFE!! I cant!!! There is nothing in my power to do anything for Christ!!......... Oh how i mock Him so.... oh Jesus please forgive me! All of the beautiful things You've made... Your creation: the trees the hills the animals the mountains the sky the stars the moon the sun the galaxies the atoms the angels scream Your praises! Everyday in their languages they cry:

Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come

And we.... with no problem at all..... call you homeboy? Deal with you lightly in conversation oh GOD! Have mercy on me!........................................have mercy on me..........................

Oh please... may I never... EVER again take you lightly.... EVER again
Oh... if we could see You.... we would not be taking Your Name so lightly...... we would not be taking Your personhood so lightly.... we would either be on the ground dead or on the groud out of our minds HORRIFIED at the Glory of Your Presence.. *just read Job to understand this* I RIGHTLY DESERVE EVERY EVIL THAT COMES AFTER ME! IF GOD WERE TO SEND ME TO HELL I WOULD STILL DESERVE IT AND HE WOULD STILL BE HOLY....

oh Father... I dont understand it.... thank You for Your grace... Your grace is my anchor... oh my i realize from what You are saving me from... and to NEVER again take it lightly... thank You that I can have grace on other people who do take You lightly... and may I God... because You have had the utmost grace on me... help me to learn grace.... teach me grace..... teach me grace