Faith, Doubt, Death and Cancer

I just finished bawling my eyes out.

About three or so years ago when I was on the popular social media site Tumblr, I heard about a little girl who was diagnosed with cancer. She was the daughter of Californian pastor Britt Merrick. I prayed for Daisy and would receive updates on her occasionally. After I got rid of my Tumblr, I would occasionally check up on a website the Merrick's made for Daisy's progress. I remember telling my mom a few times when I would find out that her cancer was in remission or when it had returned. I checked the website again after a long while of not checking it to find out that her condition had worsened greatly. I prayed for little Daisy when I heard it. I checked in about a week after that post to find out that she had died. I just finished watching her memorial service, you can find it here.

Cancer and death are such ugly things...

A close friend of my sisters best friend about a month ago was found to have committed suicide, with little to no indication of any depression problems.

 

A lady who has been like family to my family for many years was recently diagnosed with colon cancer. She had surgery today and will, God willing come home in around five days.

 

I received a call this morning from one of my dear neighbors in Houston to let me know that her mother, a wonderful sweet lady whom I had laughed and enjoyed time with and prayed with, passed away yesterday.

 

As I watched Daisy's memorial service I found myself moved to tears, lots of tears. Even though I didn't personally know this little girl, the stories of her faith were extremely moving, as well as the brokenness and sting on the faces of her friends and family. All those tears weren't just for Daisy though...

They were for each of my dear friends who are suffering from the affects of cancer and death... Things that I do not think are in the will of God but that God has somehow worked into His plan.

Doubt was discussed some by Daisy's father. He admitted that she asked all the questions that we all would have asked if we were her at different points of her journey: Why is there cancer? Why do I have it? Will I die? Where is God in all of this? Despite the doubt, it sounds like Daisy chose to believe that God was greater than her circumstances and became from the sounds of it, one of the most grateful little girls that I have ever heard of. In the midst of horrible pain that no one should experience let alone a little girl, she, out of her own volition, would choose to send God joy filled prayers of thanks for her family and friends, and not "why me" prayers concerning her situation. As her mom was sharing she mentioned the all to real fact that the things we complain about in America cannot compare with the horrors and struggle most face on a daily basis in other countries, and yet we begin to doubt God if we don't get exactly what we want while people who are going without food are joyfully trusting the Lord......

I too, am guilty of this kind of sickly, puffed up (as Daisy's mom put it) entitlement.

For anyone reading this, let this be a reminder that EVERYTHING is a GIFT,

E V E R Y  D A Y is a GIFT given by the Father of Lights.

Please, say a prayer for yours and my suffering friends, and LORD PLEASE may we all think twice before complaining about anything.

LifeRightNow...

Have you ever felt like your life has started over again? Have you ever gone through a new season with God (or just of life) where it seems like you're going in a completely new direction?... Spiritually.. I am THERE right now. These past 3 months, and probably the few months leading up to them, have been a roller coaster of spiritual change for me. I have been at some of the lowest places in my life, dealing with some of the HARDEST things both in my life and the life of my family and friends. I've also come to realize some truths about God that have made me desire and yearn for Him more than I ever have in my life. Here are just some of the things that I've been dealing with and have learned:

Trials MUST come. Suffering IS for good.

I feel like I've kind of always known this in the back of my head, seeing the suffering of my family and how God has used it to shape their lives, but I feel for a while I was lured away to thinking that that all horrible things are straight from Satan and that a good God would not want them to happen. Oh how far from the truth that sounds now typing it out! Yes... I am a FIRM believer in the power of God to heal and to restore. I have a cousin who was healed of cancer! I also believe in praying for healing, but ALWAYS ending with the ultimate pleading for Gods will to be done before ours. I do not in any way think God allows pain and suffering (in all ways: emotional, spiritual and physical) because He enjoys it. I believe He allows it to occur to draw us nearer to Himself and to make us look more like Jesus! The evidence of this is found ALL over the Bible both in the Old and New Testaments. Just looking back at my life, its so extremely easy to realize this work. It was the times when I felt everything had been taken away and all the strength in myself and others have completely depleted that I can clearly see that the Almighty, Jesus is the only one I need or want! And that His GLORY surpasses all the other things that I attributed that glory to, before He took it all away. I'm seeing also that suffering MUST come in the Christian life, that we should NEVER, EVER come to a point where we believe we suffered enough or grown to be Christ-like enough. These are hard facts! But, OH how true I believe they are!

Salvation = Transformation


This one still blows my mind. I have began to receive all sorts of new insights on big issues dealing with my faith. I feel like I am just beginning to understand the basics of my faith! One of the most pivotal things I think that I have learned is that just because someone calls themselves a "Christian" does not mean that they truly are. And also I had to (and still do have to) take a really deep and hard look at my own life. What NEEDS to be thoroughly looked at in our lives are OUR FRUITS: what we do on a daily basis and what we truly desire. I should ask myself EVERY day about EVERY action, what is my purpose in this? Am I doing it to the glory of God? And if consistently the answer is no, then I need to truly ask God through the Holy Spirit to see if He has actually changed me. I feel like there are so many people that truly believe that they are saved from their sins just because they prayed a prayer one time in their life. I now know that a prayer CANNOT save you... in the LEAST. ONLY by the power if God the Holy Spirit can you be saved. And, here's the deal, if you are really saved: THERE WILL BEGIN TO BE A CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE, not just in your heart, but daily in the way you live out your life. You will begin to desire things that are NOT of this world. The main verses that contest to this are Matthew 7:15-23

15"Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but
inwardly they are ferocious wolves. 16By their fruit you will recognize them. Do
people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? 17Likewise every
good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18A good tree cannot
bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. 19Every tree that does
not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20Thus, by their fruit
you will recognize them.
21"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will
enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is
in heaven. 22Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy
in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?'
23Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you
evildoers!'

These word have begun to really shake me. They have scared me but I believe they have also saved my life. No... I do NOT believe in any way what-so-ever that works have saved my life or can save any ones life in any way. But I DO BELIEVE that if the work of the Mighty King of Glory JESUS CHRIST has truly SAVED a person, that they CANNOT be the same again. They will not become perfect all of the sudden or ever stop sinning, but they will never be the same and they will CONTINUE changing. And PRAISE GOD FOR THIS!!! I am so glad my eyes have been open to this AMAZING truth! This makes the cross and the glory and purpose of God, SO much more powerful. Praise Him!

The thing I think I've learn the most is... just how much I don't know anything!..... Just how much there is still to learn about our great God... and just... how gracious He is to us... He is SO gracious guys... we need to STOP allowing ourselves to be blinded by our circumstances and our culture... We need to recognize what real truth is... and spend our times dwelling/thinking about/meditating on those things

P.S. Guess what... God willing... I'm going to Israel for 2 weeks in February :D