Its been a long time.
It's crazy how business adds up time wise. Its been a good business, a hard business, a confusing business, a fun business... a completely different business than I've ever been in.
I'm slowly being changed. By beholding my Beloved, continually coming back to Him, and living with others on a similar journey. Its weird... haha.. its crazy. I think it's taken this time to actually see that I am being changed, slowly but surely. I have a frustrated/love relationship with the plans of God. They are NOTHING like I thought they would be, but they are EXACTLY what I need. He has me in a place of active waiting on Him. Though I have a ministry here and now and all the time, I still haven't heard a clear call of the specifics of what and where my life will look like. Sometimes I doubt, sometimes I wander away from the path... and that really scares me. And in some way I hope it continues to scare me... but not in a fear of man or fear of the future or fear of anything... but may it move into a healthy fear and reverence of God that will manifest into drawing me nearer to Him, thus eradicating any other fear.
Though the specifics of my calling remain unsure, there are things that have been revealed to me here that I now see are essential to this path that I'm walking:
HUMILITY, LOWLINESS, PATIENCE, EQUALITY, JUSTICE, SELF CONTROL, PRAYER, FORGIVENESS, FAITH among other things.
I'm seeing these abstract words in a new fleshed out light, seeing what some of them actually mean. I'm learning something here that I thought I was going to learn but honestly had no idea what it looked like: loving people who aren't like me and that are hard to love. My desire is to learn what love actually looks like. What loving GOD actually looks like. What loving PEOPLE and MYSELF actually looks like. I get it wrong alot of the time... but I'm starting to feel like anchor that as long as I keep showing up, keep trying, keep coming back (שׁוּב shuv: repent) He... beautiful He will be faithful. Is faithful. Will be faithful.
Wanted to share a couple of things have have been encouraging/inspiring to me as of late.
Though I'm not but into the "hardcore" music now-a-days, God continues to break out of my boxes. Prayer and healing have been something that the past couple of years God has laid HEAVILY on my heart and I LOVE to hear testimonies of Gods faithfulness in these areas as I continue to pursue them. Though that seemed like 2 unrelated sentences, I'm going to bring them together for you. There is this group of bands/ministry/movement called Come&Live! which is a group of heavy metal Christians bands who tour and love on people and see Gods power very often. Their blogs have been a source of encouragement for me to keep praying and believing in the power of God even in the midst of my own disbelief or visible manifestations of power. You can find their blogsite here and I'll give you a chunk of a blog entry that really gave me encouragement here:
In all these cases we prayed much but saw few results. In all honesty, we saw very little in the area of physical needs restored at festival this year. What I know, now more than ever, is that I don’t have it all figured out. I don’t have all the answers, but my heart yearns to become more like the ultimate Answer. Jesus experienced 100% recovery in those he prayed for – nothing was impossible for him. Until we see the same, we humbly learn to fulfill 1 Thessalonians 5, “Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing.” Giving up on the needs of others is not a character-trait Christ possessed, nor should I/we. Who am I to think God can’t just as easily restore all three cases long after I’m gone? Maybe more “high-fiving Americans” isn’t what New Zealand needs? If anything, the times we don’t see what we believe for allows us the opportunity to grow in ways in which we never knew possible. I’m growing. It’s good for you to know that this faith journey is ongoing. Grow and grow. Not seeing results? Not sure where God is in your trials? Don’t give up on yourself, on others and especially on God. Part of our story is cheering each other on in this good fight of faith. Giving up on others when we don’t see God-sized results is worse than not praying at all. Persevere. Jesus, you are near. Even when we don’t see things happening, even when we are doubt-filled, full of fear, unbelieving and completely uncertain of your goodness – you are near. Move our hearts toward the broken. Guide us to be and do who Jesus was and what Jesus did.And lastly *sigh* when I get home from break, I am probably going to buy this: http://theseainbetween.com/. If you never heard of Josh Garrels, I need you to do 2 things. 1. Go to www.joshgarrels.com and get his FREE album and 2. Listen to it a couple of times, praise God and enjoy :)