Saturday, January 15, 2011

Dead

Feel like I've been

battling

pushing

pulling

trying

slacking

sleeping

crying

failing

failing

failing...

for a while now... living the Christian life great for a while, then royally screwing it up. Trying hard to protect myself from messing up all the while making huge mistakes in other areas. Asking for Gods help but only sometimes taking it. All the time battling mean spirited untrue thoughts about people who are close to me... Then times when I'm so tired... ah.
O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?


A dear, dear friend of mines grandmother recently called me out of no where and laid much grace and mercy from God on me in a phone conversation when I was feeling so heavy and weighed down. She recommended (and gave) this book to me called "The Green Letters" by Miles J. Stanford which is about Christian maturity. Man, God is so sovereign... something I say non stop but... I can't get over it. This book has been speaking volumes to me about...myself. And more importantly about Christ. I need to realize, accept, and (haha) live daily in the fact that because of CHRIST


I'm dead,
For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. 
There was no hope for me, my flesh. So God came and I was crucified, 2,000 years ago. And me, my flesh needs to STAY in that tomb so that Jesus may live in this tent.

But I'm not going down easy I guess...

"Is it not time we allowed the Holy Spirit to get at the source, and cut off this stream of sins before they are committed? Is this not infinitely better than the wreckage caused by sin, even through confessed? When believers get sick and tired of spinning year after year in a spiritual squirrel cage- sinning, confessing, but then sinning again- they will be ready for God's answer to the source of sin, which is death to self, brought fourth from the completed work of the cross...I must recognize that the enemy within the camp- the flesh, the old nature, self, I, the old Adam- is a usurper. By faith I must reckon him to be in the place that God put him- crucified with Christ. I must realize that now my life is hid with Christ in God; that He is my life."   
The Green Letters
 All this to say I still haven't gotten it yet... but man... oh man do I believe... that God is a gracious God.

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

It is ALL Him... all the time!


So while in the midst of this struggle of putting to death my self and allowing the Spirit free reign I find kindred spirits who seem to sing the same song :)

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