"I've been to the mountain top.."

Man.

Haha, sometimes life just happens and I forget to record it on here. Things have changed so drastically in my life since I last came around here its rather comical. Blogging is such an interesting thing. Is it a private journal that people can see or is it something else? I'll have to blog about that later ;)

Anyway, so I quit grad school. Straight up quit. Haha! I was SO scared and unsure about that a couple of months ago. Ah, can I tell you? YHWH God is SO amazing! We can get so off track sometimes.. He is so GRACIOUS when we are O P E N to admitting that we were wrong AND changing our ways... He is the best thing ever guys!

So yeah,

Quit grad school, started volunteering again (deep exhale) at Quincy CTC Youth Coalition and Solomon's Porch! Both have brought me so much life! Even though they both can be exhausting and both have been going through major changes since the time I started volunteering with both, I can safety say that all the panic attack symptoms I was experiencing before, GONE!!! I am SO grateful to YHWH for that! As I've told many people before, I actually feel like I'm living my life again... haha! SO GOOD!!

And guess what... I actually went to San Francisco!!!!! The place I had felt called to for nearly 2 years... I was able to actually go last week with 2 of my FAVORITE people on the planet! Such a FUN trip! Got to serve some super cool people, now comes the part of digesting all that went on and deciphering the voice of God in it all

(Did I say yet how AWESOME Elohim is???)

SO...

All of this to say (and to make sense of the title of this blog)

I feel like the Almighty might have shown me something when climbing up a mountain in San Francisco (was SOO blessed to be able to do that!). A metaphor for Torah observance... and really just for life.

So as I was walking up one of the more strenuous parts of the mountain, I looked off into the distance at the BEAUTIFUL sight of the Bay Area. I looked at my feet as they were walking and took a little bit of time to rest. I've been told many a time that life is like a journey. I thought about the current journey that I was going on, up to the top of a mountain. I continued thinking, when we are born; we are innocent. Though we have the propensity to sin, there are so many things of evil that are completely foreign to us. I believe (at least at this point) that in some ways we are the closest to our Creator at the time of birth, freshly breathed over the breath of life from our Life-Giver. I then thought of Moses and one of my new favorite verses:

So the people stood at a distance, while Moses approached the thick cloud where God was
       Exodus 20:21

So if we are close to God when we're born, and if we just look at Exodus, in a way we can look at life as a mountain and the top of that mountain is YHWH. We start out around there and almost immediately book it down to the bottom of the mountain the super bottom. A crevasse, deep, dark and eternally away from even the foothills of the mountain. By the Blood of the Lamb we are put at the mountains base and we can again see where we belong, with our Creator on the mountain top! So we start our climb! The first while is really easy, beautiful and enjoyable, being able to see again what we were made for! Then the road gets rough, maybe there are a few different paths that need choosing to take, some of them easier, some of them more difficult but could put you at a closer place, some of them leading back down to the crevasse out of need for comfort of what is "familiar". You see people heading both up and down the mountain, some people stopped, taking a pause at where they are at, some people setting up camp there...

This analogy could really go all over the place and maybe its not completely accurate, but it sort of help me understand my walk with YHWH a little bit better especially when it comes to keeping His mitzvot. Instead of viewing the Torah/commandments as this looming list of do's and don'ts it helps to view it as a journey that aids in your breathing and living relationship with the Father. Not by ANY means as a way of appeasing or making things right with the Father, but as a way of knowing Him, seeing what HE desires and considers a good path to walk.

I feel things shifting.

I really think my time in this little town I've called home for so long might be running short... Please pray for my family if you read this. My Aunt Glenda's health is waning and I feel there is spiritual and physical attack happening to my family because I also believe that YHWH has something AMAZING planned for ALL of them that might be coming soon...

We're in exciting/scary times. But as long as our faces are heading towards the Father by means of His Son, we can say along with Brother Martin,

"I just want to do God's will. And He's allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I've looked over. And I've seen the Promised Land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the promised land!

And so I'm happy, tonight.

I'm not worried about anything.

I'm not fearing any man!

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord!!"

 

 

Trekking up the hill

 

Mikey and a view from the top :)

 

Grateful

So grateful to YHVH for His grace, forgiveness, patience and help.

God opened a door to do some design work for this Messianic youth magazine called Harvest Mag. I feel more and more God calling me to walk out His Word, His commands, His desires for me and everyone without shame  with grace, mercy and humility in my heart and on my sleeve.

Thank you God, Baruch Adonai

Thoughts on death, friends, faith...

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.    Psalm 23:4

Just got back from a funeral of a guy I knew in high school who had a rather tragic death. I got to see quite a few friends there. Some of which I stay in pretty good contact while others I haven't seen practically since high school. We did a lot of reminiscing, a little talking, hugging... I find it difficult when hanging out with that group of friends because most of them are either atheists or Mormons. All of them know I am a believer (and a few of them even know I've moved to more of a Messianic faith) and I've even had talks about faith on a deeper level with a few of them. But overall we stick to just the regular stuff, "So what do you do now? How's the family? Where are you living? How's the weather like-?".

Its fun to see these friends. They're really physically affectionate which I love :). But, also... it makes my stomach hurt and makes me deeply sad at times.

Funerals are so humbling for me. Beliefs about the afterlife are SO different! Even (and almost especially) in all the areas of Christianity. Being someone who is fairly opinionated and passionate (though maybe not always vocally) about what I believe about things, God really showed me this time, when I was really frustrated with what was being said at the funeral (because I disagreed with it) God was sort of quieting me. He was reminding me that really, every person on this earth cannot have an absolutely true understanding of what happens when we die. Though I am super confident about YHVH, who He is and what He's about (though I obviously don't know everything) the afterlife is not super discussed fully in the Bible, thus I have an idea, but I understand that we all do not have a perfect knowledge of it. Its really a mystery.

I really struggled with wanting to go to this funeral or not, but I feel like God might have had me go to really, just love. Just show my support. Be a shoulder to cry on. Hands and ears to comfort. And really silently pray for the comfort and true salvation of my friends.

I definitely think there is a time to share faith, to question friends beliefs and challenge them to examine their lives. I also believe, God is teaching me this a TON lately, that there is a time for everything. This time was a time to be present and be quite and let God do some ministering.

Shabbat Shalom

:)
 

A little encouragement

Here is Charles Spurgeon's commentary on Psalm 37:34-

"Wait on the Lord." We have here the eighth precept, and it is a lofty eminence to attain to. Tarry the Lord's leisure. Wait in obedience as a servant, in hope as an heir, in expectation as a believer. This little word "wait" is easy to say, but hard to carry out, yet faith must do it. "And keep his way." Continue in the narrow path; let no haste for riches or ease cause unholy action. Let your motto be, "On, on, on," Never flag, or dream of turning aside. "He that endureth to the end, the same shall be saved." "And he shall exalt thee to inherit the land." Thou shalt have all of earthly good which is really good, and of heavenly good there shall be no stint. Exaltation shall be the lot of the excellent. "When the wicked are cut off, thou shalt see it." A sight how terrible and how instructive! What a rebuke for fretfulness! what an incentive to gratitude! My soul, be still, as thou foreseest the end, the awful end of the Lord's enemies.

Got this from using the FREE software eSword. Totally recommend it!

Worried Song Bird

BEAUTIFUL song, a collab of one of the greater banjo players of our time and I think a well known African singer! I LOVE the sound of her rich, strong, clear voice with the distinct constant plucking of the banj :) I'm really sad I haven't found this sooner in my life!

Enjoy and shalom!

... Free at last

Just listened to Dr. Kings speech for a lesson plan I'm writing.

Lately not much has changed. I still sometimes feel stuck and still feel more than ever Gods constant calling to repentance and calling for my life to change and become more like His Son. Yom Kippur is soon coming, the day in which we are to humble ourselves and seek the Lord in confession and for forgiveness.

Listening to Kings speech reminds me once again to care about the injustices I see and to look into myself to make sure I am standing up for truth. It also reminded me, along with a lot of other things recently, to persevere for the right thing. Racism still exists today, maybe not as prevalent but it still does. Does that mean we just give up and let it keep going? Absolutely not.

Just because I still struggle with the same bad habit's as I have for a long time should I just let them slide? Absolutely not.

I don't know if you celebrate Yom Kippur, but I recommend on Saturday at some point, take time to come clean before the Lord. Ask Him to search you and be willing to confess and stop doing what He's asking you to stop with the strength He gives you.

It will be worth the fight. Persevere.

When we allow freedom to ring-when we let it ring

from every city and every hamlet, from every state and

every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all

of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and

Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join

 

hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual,

"Free at last, Free at last, Great God a-mighty, We are free at last."

 

 

  “He who has an ear, let him hear...To him who overcomes I will give to eat from the tree of life, which is in the midst of the Paradise of God.”’ Revelation 2:7

A statement on the Palestinian conflict

I am going to make Jerusalem a cup that sends all the surrounding peoples reeling. Judah will be besieged as well as Jerusalem. On that day, when all the nations of the earth are gathered against her, I will make Jerusalem an immovable rock for all the nations. All who try to move it will injure themselves. (Zechariah 12:2-3)

Pray for the peace of Jerusalem: they shall prosper that love thee. (Psalm 122:6)

God had said to David and to Solomon his son, In this house, and in Jerusalem, which I have chosen before all the tribes of Israel, will I put my name for ever. (2 Chronicles 33:7) 

For Zion’s sake will I not hold my peace, and for Jerusalem’s sake I will not rest, until the righteousness thereof go forth as brightness, and the salvation thereof as a lamp that burneth. (Isaiah 62:1)