"I've been to the mountain top.."

Man.

Haha, sometimes life just happens and I forget to record it on here. Things have changed so drastically in my life since I last came around here its rather comical. Blogging is such an interesting thing. Is it a private journal that people can see or is it something else? I'll have to blog about that later ;)

Anyway, so I quit grad school. Straight up quit. Haha! I was SO scared and unsure about that a couple of months ago. Ah, can I tell you? YHWH God is SO amazing! We can get so off track sometimes.. He is so GRACIOUS when we are O P E N to admitting that we were wrong AND changing our ways... He is the best thing ever guys!

So yeah,

Quit grad school, started volunteering again (deep exhale) at Quincy CTC Youth Coalition and Solomon's Porch! Both have brought me so much life! Even though they both can be exhausting and both have been going through major changes since the time I started volunteering with both, I can safety say that all the panic attack symptoms I was experiencing before, GONE!!! I am SO grateful to YHWH for that! As I've told many people before, I actually feel like I'm living my life again... haha! SO GOOD!!

And guess what... I actually went to San Francisco!!!!! The place I had felt called to for nearly 2 years... I was able to actually go last week with 2 of my FAVORITE people on the planet! Such a FUN trip! Got to serve some super cool people, now comes the part of digesting all that went on and deciphering the voice of God in it all

(Did I say yet how AWESOME Elohim is???)

SO...

All of this to say (and to make sense of the title of this blog)

I feel like the Almighty might have shown me something when climbing up a mountain in San Francisco (was SOO blessed to be able to do that!). A metaphor for Torah observance... and really just for life.

So as I was walking up one of the more strenuous parts of the mountain, I looked off into the distance at the BEAUTIFUL sight of the Bay Area. I looked at my feet as they were walking and took a little bit of time to rest. I've been told many a time that life is like a journey. I thought about the current journey that I was going on, up to the top of a mountain. I continued thinking, when we are born; we are innocent. Though we have the propensity to sin, there are so many things of evil that are completely foreign to us. I believe (at least at this point) that in some ways we are the closest to our Creator at the time of birth, freshly breathed over the breath of life from our Life-Giver. I then thought of Moses and one of my new favorite verses:

So the people stood at a distance, while Moses approached the thick cloud where God was
       Exodus 20:21

So if we are close to God when we're born, and if we just look at Exodus, in a way we can look at life as a mountain and the top of that mountain is YHWH. We start out around there and almost immediately book it down to the bottom of the mountain the super bottom. A crevasse, deep, dark and eternally away from even the foothills of the mountain. By the Blood of the Lamb we are put at the mountains base and we can again see where we belong, with our Creator on the mountain top! So we start our climb! The first while is really easy, beautiful and enjoyable, being able to see again what we were made for! Then the road gets rough, maybe there are a few different paths that need choosing to take, some of them easier, some of them more difficult but could put you at a closer place, some of them leading back down to the crevasse out of need for comfort of what is "familiar". You see people heading both up and down the mountain, some people stopped, taking a pause at where they are at, some people setting up camp there...

This analogy could really go all over the place and maybe its not completely accurate, but it sort of help me understand my walk with YHWH a little bit better especially when it comes to keeping His mitzvot. Instead of viewing the Torah/commandments as this looming list of do's and don'ts it helps to view it as a journey that aids in your breathing and living relationship with the Father. Not by ANY means as a way of appeasing or making things right with the Father, but as a way of knowing Him, seeing what HE desires and considers a good path to walk.

I feel things shifting.

I really think my time in this little town I've called home for so long might be running short... Please pray for my family if you read this. My Aunt Glenda's health is waning and I feel there is spiritual and physical attack happening to my family because I also believe that YHWH has something AMAZING planned for ALL of them that might be coming soon...

We're in exciting/scary times. But as long as our faces are heading towards the Father by means of His Son, we can say along with Brother Martin,

"I just want to do God's will. And He's allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I've looked over. And I've seen the Promised Land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the promised land!

And so I'm happy, tonight.

I'm not worried about anything.

I'm not fearing any man!

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord!!"

 

 

Trekking up the hill

 

Mikey and a view from the top :)

 

A few words and a few encouragements.

Wow...

Its been a long time.

It's crazy how business adds up time wise. Its been a good business, a hard business, a confusing business, a fun business... a completely different business than I've ever been in.

I'm slowly being changed. By beholding my Beloved, continually coming back to Him, and living with others on a similar journey. Its weird... haha.. its crazy. I think it's taken this time to actually see that I am being changed, slowly but surely. I have a frustrated/love relationship with the plans of God. They are NOTHING like I thought they would be, but they are EXACTLY what I need. He has me in a place of active waiting on Him. Though I have a ministry here and now and all the time, I still haven't heard a clear call of the specifics of what and where my life will look like. Sometimes I doubt, sometimes I wander away from the path... and that really scares me. And in some way I hope it continues to scare me... but not in a fear of man or fear of the future or fear of anything... but may it move into a healthy fear and reverence of God that will manifest into drawing me nearer to Him, thus eradicating any other fear.

Though the specifics of my calling remain unsure, there are things that have been revealed to me here that I now see are essential to this path that I'm walking:

HUMILITY, LOWLINESS, PATIENCE, EQUALITY, JUSTICE, SELF CONTROL, PRAYER, FORGIVENESS, FAITH among other things.

I'm seeing these abstract words in a new fleshed out light, seeing what some of them actually mean. I'm learning something here that I thought I was going to learn but honestly had no idea what it looked like: loving people who aren't like me and that are hard to love. My desire is to learn what love actually looks like. What loving GOD actually looks like. What loving PEOPLE and MYSELF actually looks like. I get it wrong alot of the time... but I'm starting to feel like anchor that as long as I keep showing up, keep trying, keep coming back (שׁוּב shuv: repent) He... beautiful He will be faithful. Is faithful. Will be faithful.

Wanted to share a couple of things have have been encouraging/inspiring to me as of late.

Though I'm not but into the "hardcore" music now-a-days, God continues to break out of my boxes. Prayer and healing have been something that the past couple of years God has laid HEAVILY on my heart and I LOVE to hear testimonies of Gods faithfulness in these areas as I continue to pursue them. Though that seemed like 2 unrelated sentences, I'm going to bring them together for you. There is this group of bands/ministry/movement called Come&Live! which is a group of heavy metal Christians bands who tour and love on people and see Gods power very often. Their blogs have been a source of encouragement for me to keep praying and believing in the power of God even in the midst of my own disbelief or visible manifestations of power. You can find their blogsite here and I'll give you a chunk of a blog entry that really gave me encouragement here:

In all these cases we prayed much but saw few results. In all honesty, we saw very little in the area of physical needs restored at festival this year. What I know, now more than ever, is that I don’t have it all figured out. I don’t have all the answers, but my heart yearns to become more like the ultimate Answer. Jesus experienced 100% recovery in those he prayed for – nothing was impossible for him. Until we see the same, we humbly learn to fulfill 1 Thessalonians 5, “Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing.” Giving up on the needs of others is not a character-trait Christ possessed, nor should I/we. Who am I to think God can’t just as easily restore all three cases long after I’m gone? Maybe more “high-fiving Americans” isn’t what New Zealand needs? If anything, the times we don’t see what we believe for allows us the opportunity to grow in ways in which we never knew possible. I’m growing. It’s good for you to know that this faith journey is ongoing. Grow and grow. Not seeing results? Not sure where God is in your trials? Don’t give up on yourself, on others and especially on God. Part of our story is cheering each other on in this good fight of faith. Giving up on others when we don’t see God-sized results is worse than not praying at all. Persevere. Jesus, you are near. Even when we don’t see things happening, even when we are doubt-filled, full of fear, unbelieving and completely uncertain of your goodness – you are near. Move our hearts toward the broken. Guide us to be and do who Jesus was and what Jesus did. 

 And lastly *sigh* when I get home from break, I am probably going to buy this: http://theseainbetween.com/. If you never heard of Josh Garrels, I need you to do 2 things. 1. Go to www.joshgarrels.com and get his FREE album and 2. Listen to it a couple of times, praise God and enjoy :)

<3

WOW

I am humbled to the floor.

This morning consisted of a very gulity prayer time for me... I was feeling Godly conviction but also demonic guilt over how I conducted myself the day prior. The one thing I feel I left with this morning that was of God was that what is MOST important is where you are RIGHT NOW with the Lord. Yes, you fall, have you gotton up. Yes you found out that you arent always right (a VERY good thing) so how are you going to change to be different the next time.

So I came in the house and checked my email and my mission support report (yes... it rhymes)

and this is the figure I found:

I need to raise $12,000 over the course of the whole year. The amount thats been given to me currently?

$9,739.87

My jaw... IT DROPPED! I was floored by the amount I had thought I had before I checked which was around 7K.... I had NO IDEA God was going to provide this fast for my need.....

A part of me screams out, "Why God? As You saw yesterday, I don't deserve this!!???"

But another part... a quite voice that is starting to get louder, "Its for His glory Lyndsay. He has made you worthy by the blood of Yeshua. Accept it as a child. Take on a heart of thankfulness toward God and toward the people He chooses to use"

So, if you've given to me, thank you from the bottom of my heart thank you. I'm praying blessings on your heart that you might on a deeper level know the person of God.

THANK YOU

Abba, I Belong to You

This name... of God, has been the cry of my heart recently. Its the name I've been using for Him more and more and more.

God... His Breath.... is blowing down expectations, walls and boxes I've been trying to fit Him in. I feel that I'm slowing coming out of a desert into a greener place. I'm beginning to realise as well, that life is full of both high and low places. And when things seem to be going right and God seems close, or when nothing goes right, you keep messing up and God seems far.... He hasn't left. A phrase my new pastor repeats quite often that I want to become the saying for my life: S t a y   y o u r   c o u r s e.

When your coming to these places of clarity, of earnest desire for God, you wonder why you would ever want anything else.

Something that has stuck with me, that I believe God allowed me to see to lead me to call Him this name... Abba... on the plane to Jerusalem, there was this sweet little Jewish family sitting in front of us: a dad, mom, a little girl around 3 years old and a baby. The little girl was asleep for a good part of the trip, but when she woke up she got fussy. She started to cry, "Abba! Abba!" Calling out as many young children do when they feel something is wrong with them and they want their dad to fix it. While remembering how this little "child of God" crying out for her Abba... something clicked in my spirit.

A few weeks ago when I was completely broken down and confused... I was that little girl. And I did exactly as she did, I cried for my Abba. And He answered me.

And He will answer your call to Him

And I'm sure I will cry out again, but as I'm learning, I can always trust Him


because He is Abba




**I had to put this in, it is SO SO SO very true. This is a comment from this video on YouTube:

Love this song, it's the new vine. Its fresh and written for this generation calling out for fatherhood



Abba, I Belong to You by Jonathan David Helser

You're more real than the wind in my lungs

You're more real than the ground I'm standing on

You're thoughts define me, you're inside me

You're my reality

Abba, I belong to you

You're closer than the skin on my bones

You're closer than the song on my tongue